can I get a "yeah!" ???

Weekend ! Despite and hide the fact that I actually have shitloads of things to do for work, it's still weekend ! And for this opportunity I stole a cool game from Joh (http://littlejoh.livejournal.com/)

Lets call it "the winamp game"

Rules: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play.Use the song titles that come up to answer each question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see me?
the tea party . the bazaar

Will I have a happy life?
tonic . if you could only see (acoustic)

What do people really think of me?
Mando Diao . Annie's angle

Do people secretly lust after me?
k's choice . to this day

How can I make myself happy?
the bates . billie jean (*lol*)

What should I do with my life?
Schubert . notre dame intermezzo (yeah, I have classical music on my hard disk!)

Will I ever have children?
del amitri . baby it's me (at least it has a "baby" in it! ;)

What is some good advice for me?
die fantastischen vier . troy

What do I think my current theme song is?
linda perry . in flight

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
stars . set yourself on fire

What song will play at my funeral?
National Philaharmonic Orchestra & Nigel Kennedy . thais meditation

What type of men/women do you like?
ani difranco . the whole night

What is my day going to be like?
k's choice . hide (live)

Why am I here?
beatsteaks . filter

What will people remember me for?
nick drake . time has told me

What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?
manu chao . me gustas tu

Are there people outside waiting to take me away?
amy ray . put it out for good

What will this year be all about?
katie melua . my aphrodisiac is you

weak and powerless

[taken from www.letterjames.de]

oo-> cassandra wilson - wind cries mary (20th time on repeat, I guess..)

Do you know that ? Absolute emptyness in your head, not able to face a clear thought. Just trying to numb yourself with music and gazing around into the nothing.
The Nothing that pulls on you until become nothing.

I stopped caring about friends. Working for people that already gave me up. Actually it's crap. But I can't be happy about anything lately. Some people do their best to hold me up (you know who you are - thanks for your neverending patience). At least this makes me feel.

Yesterday someone said "I love you" and meant it. I mean, it wasn't a romantic "I love you", more in a sister way. But I can't describe how good and soothing it felt in this very moment. And the more I'm afraid to lose this person.

3rd Sister, I love you, too. Please never leave me. Otherwise I'd die.

Mel - thanks for never leaving my side, no matter how shitty I feel or am. Something deeper than love connects us and I hope it'll never fade.

L. - I hope we'll find time for our hilarious and always wonderful phone calls again. I miss it.

k80 - I hope everything turns out right for our meeting. And I'm sure your as wonderful in reality as you are in the chats.

Have a nice end of week and a even better weekend

murmel

Because...

the simpsons aren't on at 6pm and I'm bored, I've done this. Try it, too it's funny to find out things about your friends. ^^

1. My friend once: tried to hook me up with a boy but I never told her that I'm not into guys *muahaha*

2. Never in my life have I: masturbated in public (some people do ! Believe it or not !)

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always make me smile is: Liesa

4. High School is: neverending!

5. When I'm nervous: I talk bad jokes and dither around

6. The last time I cried was: when I watched "the l-word" and saw Dana dying

7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: Mel, Ms. Pot, Sascha and Oli

8. My hair: short again - but looks better with gel in it.

9. My feet are: clothed with socks - black socks.

10. When I was 5: I used to pack my bag with stuffed animals, said I'd move to new-zealand, ran around in the garden and returned after 20 mins.

11. Last Christmas I: had a fight with my mum about celebrating religious things or not.

12. When I turn my head left, i see: a "matrix" poster on my wall and my electric guitar.

13. When I turn my head right, i see: my radiator and my living room window, whose shelf is decorated by a rubber brain in a glass, photos from the southside festival, a candle and pens.

14. When I look down I see: my green "lazy" pants I just put on after coming home from work.

15. The craziest recent event was: The concert I played on last saturday AND the last epidsode of "the l-word".

16. If I was a character on 'Friends' I'd be: Phoebe. Totally !

17. By this time next year: I hope I will be somewhere else !

19. I have a hard time understanding: myself and women.

20. One time at a family gathering: my uncle and my aunt came disguised as the prince and snow-white - a bit drunk - and my uncle sang 2 hrs later "highway to hell".

21. You know I "like" you if: I play my most personal songs to you.

22. If I won an award, the first person (people) I'd thank first is: my family, my friends, my band and K's choice for inspiring me so much.

23. Take my advice: "Most girls are straight - until they're not!"

24. My ideal breakfast is: healthy stuff mixed with fat stuffed donuts in my living room when the sun rays are falling through the window to warm me up.

25. If you visit my hometown: don't think the world ends. Altough it may seem like it does.

26. Who do you plan to visit anytime soon: Oli, to go with him to the "musikmesse" to Frankfurt.

27. THERE IS NO: bigger fear than the fear itself.

28. I'd stop my wedding if: The groom ran away (haha!)

29. The world could do without: racists, incapable politicians, homophobic jerks

30. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: go to a tokio hotel concert

31. Most recent thing you've bought yourself: something really plain. I think it was blank cds.

32. Most recent thing someone else bought you: Soap. *lol*

33. My favorite time of day is: Night

34. My favorite store is: Guitarplace, Echobeat and Musikservice

35. My ringtone is: "clubbed to death" - rob D (from "the Matrix")

36. And by the way: with Karate I'll kick your ass ! Tenacious D just rocks. ^^

37. The last time I was high: I've never been high. If you mean music, it prolly was Nov. 28th, Colos-Saal, Aschaffenburg - Dredg.

38. The person who I last talked to told me: that she crisps up bread when dad returns and forgot my pizza.

39. I shouldn't have been: too hopeful

40. Once, at a bar/club: some guys hit on us by ordering beer for us. My sister sent it back. *lol*

41. Last night: I went to bed too late - but I had a song idea I had to fix up

42. There's this girl I know who: said four words and made me feel more secure and saved than I ever felt in my whole life.

43. There is this guy I know who: played with a broken leg percussions just to make music with my band.

44. A better name for me would be: Laberbacke.

45. If I ever go back to school I'll: do more to achieve the things I REALLY want.

46. My birthday: is usually a big event with friends from all possible corners of the world. But afterwards I always feel sad. Dunno why.

Thankful...

--> ani difranco . blood in the boardroom

...for friends (no matter where they are or what they do)
...for an honest "thank you" when you think you're actually not helpful at all
...for a bright smile when you don't feel like smiling at all
...for wonderful talks in the most unexpected moments
...for the music

and

for all this is assuring me that I'm on my way. No matter how or when, but I am.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH !

-oo> flyswatter . exit (on a very defeaning volume)

Things I got told today :

- I'm egoistic
- I don't care about the kids I work with and my working mates
- I only think about music and I'm not interested in my education

As you might imagine, I was totally shocked and confused about that. Just suck that line :

"To be honest : You're nerve-racking. You only cared about your good grade and didn't ask us how our weeks were going."

Thanks folks, nice weekend.

some things never change

--> kelly clarkson . because of you

Some people never change. Some things never go a different way. Some days never end different. Some things are so predictable it almost hurts. Some cirlces are meant to be broken, but no one realises that they have their name because it never ends. Nothing ever happens.
No one ever changes, cause it's human nature to behave like that you found that you can survive in that state but not evolve.
There's an ocean full of pressure, pain, lonliness, confusion and anger that can't break free. Cause I always need to be the strong one. The one that listens, that's patient, sweet and caring. And sometimes I want to surrender. Just deeply floating on a different sphere where I'm so happy not to have to care anymore. Maybe in a different road, in a different house, in a different job, with a different life and a love that lets me believe that tomorrow is different that yesterday.

day-saving nonsense

[legal laws, still in function . got them today in the english lesson]

-- > click to enlarge

--> john legend . stay with you

A crazy week is over. 2 tests, one death, two teeth less and still so many questions unsolved. But instead of thinking about them too much I will enjoy the weekend and smile of some funny US laws and people that are taking too much things too seriously.

Theme for this weekend : Do something that you really wanted to do or just make for your friends, family and mostly for yourself the best outta this !

Greetings
murmel

Life's a joke and then you die

"Or will you keep on falling until you reach the ground?
Of your lonely mind will you ever find yourself again?
And will you keep on dying until you've finally found a better
place where you find you will not wake up again?"

missy higgins . falling

"Life's a joke and then you die"...this line just popped up in my head when my mum told me that a good friend of ours died today. He suffered a stroke. I mean, he was 65. But all his life he worked his butt off for other people, most of them didn't give him the respect he deserved. And now he's dead.
That's strange. He had a table tennis shop in our town and dad always went to him to test new stuff out and, sometimes drink a beer and talk about better times. I remember him as a kind, open-minded, funny and warm-hearted person. He was never greedy about the prize, cause he liked my dad. They were sports pals. And even if some people don't have such a big opinion about "sports pals", I can tell you : You can meet the best and the worst people there. E. was one of the good ones. FUCK !

R.I.P., dear Pal.

murmel

shiny little sleepworld

--> ani difranco . work your way out

..that's where I want to be. Strange, I slept the whole weekend but I feel like I'm in for a week sleep or so.
I sat in class and fell asleep two times. Ok, it was way too late yesterday, but it can't be that hard to follow the class, right ?
I guess it's still the operation. I feel aguish, wired and mostly dead. But the problem is : I can't sleep. I gotta learn for the test. German test tomorrow. Ok, not that hard, it's one of my favourite subjects. But pedagogics on Friday..:s
It's like running on a treadmill for years and then you realise it's not the street you wanted to be on.
I think I have to focus on what's important and then go to bed.

For once.

murmel

Thoughts

...brought to paper. A few days ago.

Some lines to remember

[ Alice und Dana - "The L-Word" Quelle : www.thelwordonline.de ]

Staying at home sucks. And not being able to open your mouth, too. But now I got time to face other things. Mel was so sweet and sent me the whole discography of Ani Difranco (I started with "Ani Difranco" to not get lost ;), so I listened to it whilst driving with my dad to the doc again. Another doctor took care of me. Her accent sounded kinda eastern european and she was very nice, asking if I'm alright and if I have any questions. My cheeks are still swollen and if it doesn't stop on monday I'll have to take antibiotics. Makes me think of Alanis Morrisette. Good association, huh ?

So, what to do these days : I started to edit an "Alice and Dana" Video, two of my favourite characters of the "L-Word" with some music. If finished I'll put it on here of course. But only if you want. I don' t want to spam you with my obsessions. *grin*
I lend myself a DVD. "Code 46" with Tim Robbins. I hope it's good. Last time I got myself a DVD I had bad luck. "L.A. Crash" was very strange and not my type of movie. But as you can see : It doesn't matter if a movie got an oscar ! If it sucks, it just sucks.

And while laying around and have nothing better to do than to listen to some music I got a song stuck in my head, sleeping for a long time but more fitting than ever. I just love the Goo Goo Dolls, what can I say ?

goo goo dolls . sympathy

"Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don’t need
And what I chased won’t set me free
And I get scared
but I’m not crawlin’ on my knees
Oh, yeah Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don’t feel
I’m killing myself from the inside out
And now my head’s been filled with doubt

It's hard to lead the life you choose
When all your luck's ran out on you
And you can’t see
when all your dreams aren’t coming true

Oh, yeah It’s easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I’m not sure where I belong
And no where’s home and no more wrong

And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe
I was And I wouldn’t be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me

Stranger than your sympathy"

A nice weekend to all of you. And Liza : Nevermind the phone. I won't be able to talk, so just lemme know if you're online and then we can chat if you want.
murmel

I'm a legal alien

Wohooo ! This looks creepy. My jaw is twice as big as my other one. Thank god, I have no cam ! ;)
Well, what can I say : It all went pretty good. But it's an Operation, so it hurts like one afterwards. I've been taking painkillers since this afternoon, but it doesn't help really. I hope it gets better tomorrow after the Doc removed some pieces they've implanted.

But the creepiest part was right after the surgery. The aneastesia was still in function, but the blood was running down my throat and I was afraid I had to puke and the suture might rip open again.

Well, lets omit all further details. I'll just have to spend my weekend with painkillers, bad movies and music.

Ms. Pot : Will you marry me ? Or at least visit me ? Tomorrow ? So you just could drop by, tell me everything you've been doing the last weeks and I'll listen. I'm not even able to phone :(

ze sissy murmel

PS : one good thing of the day are the new updates of the "Southside" Festival :

The Ark * The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Coheed And Cambria * dEUS * The Feeling * Skin

judgement day

I like dramatic scenes. And if I'm bored in real life, I'll do my own drama scenes. Like for tomorrow, I planned to take my mp3 player with me to get distracted from the sound of the scalpel when it slits my gums in two halves. *see! drama!*

So, I thought of a dramatic choice of course. Songs, I associate with beloved friends (who will hopefully think of me ;) and good memories :

Mel *drum roll* / björk . joga & sufjan stevens . to be alone with you

Liza / k's choice . all & del amitri . tell her this

Ms. Pot (thanks for your encouraging comment btw :) /
slut . something to die for & oasis . champagne supernova

And because I just don't know who to name else, I'll put some songs on it where I had a good time or memorable moments :

dredg . triangle
ani difranco . independence day
coldplay . careful where you stand & easy to please
goo goo dolls . sympathy
heather nova . frontier & island
nick drake . things behind the sun & don't think twice it's alright
pearl jam . release
radiohead . sail to the moon
ryan adams . thank you louise, the shadowlands, afraid not scared, my blue manhattan, hotel chelsea nights & I see monsters
wir sind helden . ausser dir & die nacht
woodface . river to the moon
red hot chili peppers . my friends
matthew good band . strange days
kettcar . balu & hauptsache glauben
damien rice . the blowers daughter
adem . these are your friends
anggun . snow in the sahara
athlete . street map
eva cassidy . early morning rain
telepopmusik . just breathe & don't look back
elbow . switching off
everlast . what it's like
feist . lonely lonely
heyday . cu
jamie cullum . all at sea
iridium . mine
lamb . gabriel
melissa etheridge . shriner's park
melissa ferrick . then so it is
red house painters . have you forgotten ?
sarah mclachlan . i will remember you

Now I'm "le tired" and my bed calls for me. I hope to read you all very soon. Please keep in mind, that I prolly won't be able to speak or return your smses properly. So : Written messages for this time and keep your fingers crossed for me !

Tomorrow : 9 pm !

murmel

sing for the moment

oo-> racoon . smoothly

I just realised that I probably won't be able to sing for 2 weeks from friday on. Remember ? My wisedom teeth get pulled out. And if I open my mouth too wide the suture might rip open again.
:s
After some people told me that they hard really harsh experiences after it I'm a bit scared, but I actually trust my doctor.

I mean, how can you NOT trust this man ?


He even studied human medicine sciences, so : 2 thumbs up for dr. mathy and two teeths less for me !

murmel

THAT'S an overdose

Because of some silly report for school I fought the whole sunday with I SAT the whole sunday on my old office chair and got foursquared eyes, looking for hours and hours on the screen. And the worst thing is : My back hurts like hell. For the first time in months I'm planning to go to bed earlier. Otherwise I'll fall off the chair. That's the new kind of overdose ladies and gentlemen. No heroine, no crack anymore. The drug of the 21st century is the Internet. And I'm one of millions and millions of addicts.

And my back is punishing me for that.
Somehow the body is a good institution.

Snow...

[taken from www.yetanotherblog.de]

...I wrote a few lines to it.

And there's a sky,
full of blankets
just the streetlamps
show the way
some people went
to stay
forever stays the same
when it starts,
coming down
a little floating on the roofs
to land upon forgotten shoes
that went out, to stay
to see if there's a way
for anybody
Down the road
out in the snow
into the cold
it's warmer there than here

Watch out !

oo-> the cardigans . my favourite game

Wise people say:
The best things happen right in front of your door.

Tonight it's different. A few mins ago I was sitting in my room, doing some weird ideas for my songs and suddenly heard a huge crash sound. When walking outside I saw that a former football mate of mine had crushed the mercedes of his dad into the neighbours fence. OUCH ! Within minutes the small film of snow became a dangerous skating rink. Although he wasn't always nice to me in the earlier days I felt sorry for him. I mean, crushing your dads mercedes into a stone fence. *muhahaha*

Sorry. I'm mean. No one was hurt though gladly.

To all of you that have to drive by car through this blistering cold :

Watch out and drive careful ! And if you are having an accident don't claim that you were driving slow enough afterwards ! ;)


murmel