MY space

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Lately I'm crazy about myspace.com and I dunno why. Just registred out of boredom but I know now why so many people like the idea. It's a worldwide connection of people that are able to find each other during having the same taste in music, movies or in general a sympathy for each other.
So, it's a very good idea. And there are even some of my favourite artists there with a profile. I sent some friendship offers to

- Ryan Adams
- Sarah Bettens
- Grand Hotel van Cleef
- Kettcar
- Olli Schulz und sein Hund Marie

Hihi. This seems so cool to have Sarah Bettens in your friendship list. Muhahaha. I know, I like to show off. But who doesn't ? ;)

So, if you happen to be registred at myspace.com, just drop by and write me a message. And yes, I do have another blog there. *gg*

Link is http://www.myspace.com/murmel86

Volunteers for help with that *&%$§" ! html thing are also welcome. But only if you're willing to. I can be nerve-racking when I don't understand what to do. *winks*

have a nice start of the week

murmel

Other useless things you should know about me

--> panic ! at the disco . I write sins, not tragedies

Actually I quite dislike to translate questionaries, but this one seemed kinda cool. And it's from picca, that's why. ^^

1. With which "star" would you like to shag ?
Hihi. LEISHA HAILEY ! *scream*

2. If your soul would be colored, which color would it be ?
Red.

3. Imagine several catastrophes erased all possible food, which 3 groceries would
have to exist to ensure your survival ?
roll, rice, chicken

4. Three things that REALLY bug you at the moment:
1. my studying lazyness
2. disconnection (in many ways)
3. prejudice

5. With which superhero do you indentify the most ?
Hmmm, never thought about it. But I saw "X-Men 2" a few days ago and I quite
liked the role of "Nightcrawler".

6. What was your dreamjob when you were little ?
a trapez artist. But I overthought it after I hung on the trapez for real and
wasn't able to come down again. ;)

7. Three characteristic traits that describe you the best :
1. contemplative
2. funny
3. sarcastic

8. Which things make you cry regularly ?
I don't cry that often, but lately it's the feeling of being caught in the
wrong job and the urge to make music but not being able to cause everything is
pent-up and blocks my brain.

9. Your biggest frailty / your biggest power :
my strange ability to interpret untrue things into situations / my humor

10. What scares you ?
Future.

11. You're about to be transplanted. Which organ needs to be replaced ?
My heart.

12. If Tom Cruise and Angelina Jolie would ring at your door, what would you do ?
"Hi, how are you ? Where did you leave Leisha ?" ;)

13. The last nightmare you had and remember :
My boss' dad died and she cried in my arms. I don't like my boss THAT much to
have to urge to imagine she lies crying in my arms.

14. Three quirks :
1. I take my camera with my everywhere
2. I enjoy some time alone lately.
3. I quote from movies and songs if I find it fitting to the situation (Deuce,
T. ! ^^)

15. If you'd die right now, what would be your last words ?
If it would be a slow death, I prolly call all important people to tell them
that I love them (and unimportant people that I'm sorry for them being such
asses...hihi.)
In case of a fast death I would quote something from a movie or song. It
depends on the situation.

don't wonder

...if I'm kinda offline for the next days. I know, I won't keep my promise for long but just in case you were wondering : I'm trying to trick the [panic mode] and learn for my PART II of my exams which will take place on 20th of june.

Things I noticed today :

1. the original score of "the da vinci code" is one great piece of music ! Although the movie sucks. ;)
2. I am the master of interpretation.
3. I have clicks on my blog from people all over the world. COOLNESS ! :)
4. Should I or should I not ?
5. It just can't be possible that I miss "Anouk" at Rock im Park, just because I can't take a day off !!!! GNARRRRR (Lordi scream) !

murmel

nightminds

Around midnight I start to think about stupid stuff and I have these strange wantings, like

1. tons of candy ! RIGHT NOW! No ! Vegetables ! Pizza ! Arggh.
2. inspiration !
3. why are all cute girls so damn stupid ?
4. my ear feels sore
5. I don't want to go to work on Monday. Any good suggestions for taking the day off ?
6. Being helpless sucks.
7. I gotta start to learn for my exams tomorrow. Bah !
8. Nobody cares.
9. Blankness finds its way to every creative brain.
10. poof !

*dang*

murmel

blasphemous rumours

[Paul Bettany in "the da vinci code" as "Silas"]

--> anouk . margarita chum (acoustic)

Back from the movies, I saw "the da vinci code". I'm a bit blank and disappointed about the end product of such a good book.
And I guess I don't have the right touch for good movies lately. Either they're more confusing than I felt before or they just happen to be so bad I almost get angry about the waste of money.
The actors were not well casted, although you know people like Tom Hanks and Audrey Toutou from great movies. Even the second row sounded wonderful in a film freaks ear : Ian McKellen, Alfred Molina, Jean Reno, Juergen Prochnow.
But they seemed like they were construction workers in a lunch break, randomly walking around in front of the camera. Almost out of place. Paul Bettany as "Silas" was the only actor that really left me stunned. He played an albino monk who murders people in the name of bishop Aringarosa. He truly brought out the suffering and the inner fights that Silas fights throughout the whole movie. Very good and authentic !

At least I saw some class mates again. And I almost laughed my ass off, when my "heartbroken-club-member" and good friend J. always whispered "oh my god!" when something exciting happened. A blonde woman on the row before us always turned around and gave us "THE LOOK!" but J.'s new bf and I just giggled our asses off and thought about talking loud about the end of the movie. It was hilarious. And although I worked today and I'm tired like hell, I'm happy. Not the best movie I've ever seen, but the longest (148 Minutes ! Wohoo!) . And I saw some of my best friends.

Life can be soothing in the most unexpected moments.

murmel

PS : k80, thanks for the good song tip. I listened to depeche mode on my way to the movies and this line totally got me and fitted somehow very good to the movie :

"I dont want to start any blasphemous rumours
But I think that gods got a sick sense of humor
And when I die I expect to find him laughing.."

depeche mode . blasphemous rumours

X

--> david gray . disappearing world

I'm in a weird mood after "X". To start off : It all went fine.

It wasn't the best mark, and this kinda makes it hard to deal with, cause I know I can to better. But in september no one will care if I graduated with a good or bad mark.
I will continue my education. That's a good sign. I don't worry about the theoretical part which takes place on 20th, june. So now I feel like my soul is able to breathe after weeks.

And although I should be happy I'm in a contemplative mood. Thinking about life and its turns, friends I miss and people that are gone for a long time. And there are a few lines that won't get rid of the ceiling. Somehow music always finds its way into my heart and helps me carry on. Burning song lines in my head. Like these :

According to the fridge and the bob thing I found an interesting line in a song

"...this is the last time I'll abandon you
and this is the last time I'll forget you
I wish I could..."

muse, "stockholme syndrome"

According to everything I struggled with the last few weeks :

"...I can laugh about it,
or I can cry about it,
I should ignore the words you say.
‘Cause they can hurt,
but won’t kill me
They can hurt,
but won’t kill me"

racoon . laugh about it


"So I held my head up high
hiding hate that burns inside
Which only fuels there selfish pride
We're all held captive out from the sun
A sun that shines on only some
We the meek are all in one.."

creed . my own prison


I actually didn't want to quote myself cause it looks cocky , but I feel like it. The final line is so fitting for me it almost makes me laugh.

"Can you help me ? I am falling for you."

calzone and x

--> kelly clarkson . because of you

Sooo, folks. Tomorrow and Tuesday will decide about my future life
(I like drama, for the ones that read this the first time).

But before my verbal and psychic execution by people who don't want me to be a good kindergarten teacher I went to a nice dinner with my parents and sisters and their boyfriends.
And guess what I ate (I picked on someone before that I will) :



YES ! This is a "Calzone", an italian specialty. And it indeed was delicious.
The evening was nice as well, especially to see my sisters again. I really enjoy being with them.

And still I couldn't stop thinking of tomorrow and everything that will fall down on me if I don't pass it.
I guess, the things that make me afraid are the questions
"what if ?"

But I gotta stop thinking about the days "X", how I called them.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.


murmel

just to not let you think I'm depressed...

--> wunder . was hält uns wach

I found a funny questionary from my DEAR friend piccadilly (http://www.blogigo.de/piccadilly)
and thought I'll do it before the REAL work is about to be done (cause I have an important day on thursday and I don't know when I'll blog the next time).

first name: "murmel" ;)
age: 19
hometown: Eschau a.k.a. "no-name-village"
What do you do in real life? chasing kids through the garden and screaming like an idiot if they hit each other ^^
how did find out about blogger.com? I saw some other i-net friends of mine blogging here and I liked the design.
What should all people know about you? I'm NOT shallow. ;)
What do you want to do before you die? Publish a record.
With whom would you want to swap? Just for one day : Robbie Williams. I mean, look how many girls he gets !!
If you could retract something in your life - what would it be? Maybe do another job or school education.
Is there a person you would rather not get to know? Every encounter has its own quality. I try to take the best out of it - even if it was a hurtful time with that person.
When will you move to Berlin? There are more attractive cities I believe. But hey : I'm going to go there in September, maybe I will change my opinion.
Do you dance or rather stand in the corner? Depends on the people around me. *gg* No, I love to dance. No matter how bad I am.
Why are you glad to be a boy/girl? Huhm, I'm glad to not have a tent in my pants almost every morning.
Which book / movie should EVERYONE know?
book: "der vorleser" from bernhard schlink or "vollidiot" from tommy jaud.
movie: "pulp fiction" and "life of brian"
Song: "all" by K's choice
What is your special ability that NO ONE else has? I'm pretty talented in dealing with technical things. And singing. But I guess everyone can sing a bit.
How's your love life? It's strolling around the park, waiting for someone to drop by and talk a walk with it.
How's your family? Mom is worried about me (like always) but she's fine. Dad is working like a maniac, but in a healthy dosis. PJ is having a hard time with her health and Stef is also fine, supportive like always.
When is it over? When it's over.

~ Fin ~

PS : You're warmly welcome to spread this questionary around and write in the comments area your blog link. I'd like to know interesting things about i-net people that read my blog and DON'T COMMENT! ;)

Michael Schumacher hoovers and thoughts that disturb

the verve . the drugs don't work (acoustic)

The day started strange and will end strange. In the morning I came to work, colleagues acted like nothing happened - "ok", I mumbled to myself - I don't need another argue. I'm fine. Worked my butt off and tried to show engagement (cause some unnamed people claim that I'm NOT motivated). And I cleaned the carpet with an interesting hoover :

{michael schumacher "special edition"}

Coming back home I found my dad still working on the football goal. I decided to distract myself a bit by helping him and I couldn't help but giggle. Sadly, I have no picture of me - removing the rust off the pipes - but I felt like a real les. The feeling was kinda diverse, always changing between sarcasm and hysteria but I'll let you know if it changes in one clear direction.

My aunt dropped by to read the newspaper and get updated cause they don't have one. I found an announcement of a young man who died - he was barely one year older than me. I heard the name before and surfing through the net I found out that a friend of mine knows his band mate. Ok, that's very vague and I actually didn't know him in person but I feel so sorry I can't explain it. He died of a vicious disease - cancer. And at the moment it seems like the atomic threats are nothing against cancer, that's spreading like a gourge over humankind.
If I'd want to be cynical I'd say that there's no real reason to fire the missiles. We'll distroy ourselves within 100 years of dieing on diseases we've breeded by pumping poison in the rivers, blowing gas into the atmosphere and seeding hate between the races.

As if this disturbing thoughts wouldn't be enough : I can't get a single song done ! Or even a good lyric. Don't try to understand it - it's my personal everday deluxe suffering - as if I hadn't enough at the time.

murmel

change goals - move on

--> anouk . in the sand (acoustic)

[my old "fake" chucks - ready for the garbage]

So, this is the day after day "X". I have no real urge to fold every single detail up but it was horrible. A true low point in my life so far, cause if I don't manage it to pass this exam the last two years of education are worthless.

But instead of closing the curtains and remain apathic I went out and enjoyed the wonderful weather and the sun that seemed to fondle my tortured mind. It sounds corny, but this was the EXACT feeling I had today.

I literally built a goal. My dad reconstructed my old football goal he built for me and my buddies when we were kids. I don't know WHY he felt the need to reconstruct it - nobody of the old buddies played football on this meadow since forever - but he felt like it and I felt like helping him. So we both started to pull out the screws, brazed the pipes for the new goal - it was like a flashback to childhood.

In general this day was about reflection and looking back to understand the future. But the feeling of "the good times' gone" still hurts somehow.

And even if they're nerve-racking at times when I can't need it, tell me how to do things I'm able to do (cause I'm grown..haha!) I love them to death. Everyone of them.

This next 3 months are going to be like hell but there's water in range. And that feels good.

murmel

welcome to the club

You know the point, when you can't get lower. I think this is it.

"Erupt again another pill
And I won’t let it show
Sacrifice the tortures
Orchestral tear cash-flow

Increase delete escape defeat
It’s all that matters to you
Cotton case for an iron pill
Distorted eyes
When everything is clearly dying

Burn my knees and
Burn my knees and
Burn my knees and
E-motion sickness
Addict with no heroine
E-motion sickness
Distorted eyes
When everything is clearly dying

Burn my knees and
Burn my knees and pray
Burn my knees and
Burn my knees and pray
[all my friends say]
Get up get up get up get up
Get up get up get up
Won’t you stop my pain

Emotion sickness
[to idle with an idol]
Addict with no heroine
Good things will pass
It helps with excess access
Lessons learnt

Emotion sickness
[lost no friendship]
[corrosive head pollution]
Lessons learnt

silverchair . emotion sickness

Fight back

broken window on our neighbors barn

--> tool . jambi



Some things will never change. If it's about long-lasting friendships, rituals or emotions it can even be good this way - but finding yourself always being spyed, not trusted in or simply unable to move out of the situation it's pretty tough.

Today the feeling of helplessness arose inside again. I thought I was settled in my work, selfconfident and ready for the exam...since my boss told me that she and my working mates want to "talk" to me on thursday. And I totally know what will happen : They'll bash me like I'm the only one to blame - pretending that criticism will help me to "grow" in my work.

I used to ignore people who were trying to put me down - but now I can't. I have to work with them and they'll have a major part in marking me.

And I just hope I'll have the right arguments to say the will to fight back. Because I AM NOT a punching ball and I like my work. And NOBODY can take this from me. Not even working-mates that act nice in front of me and then put me down...

*dang*

To be honest : I'm not pretty motivated to sum up all the things I did on the weekend. So, I thought of putting on a few impressions, cause I also took shitloads of photographs.

Enjoy !