Walls and Ladders

[on the street behind my house / august 2005]

oo-> ani difranco . not a pretty girl
Do you know that feeling when everything you try is just going down the drain ?

That's how I feel right now.
It's like running against walls that are enthroning over you for centuries. Millions tried to get over it, but they've been hold back by the fact that they didn't recognised they haven't read the instructions...I'm just blinded. Blinded by all the people who just claim something from me. Let it be stupid reports about religion when others are using religion on me to pressure me, let it be strength and understanding in a friendship when I'm more than confused. Or let it just
be a ventile for all that that I'm demanding for myself but nothing happens. I've always been a well balanced, calm and social person. But it seems like the world is going to be grey when I'm coloured all over with red and colourful when I'm just feeling grey.
I'm a creep. Always looking on that fact with a funny blink of an eye but right now I feel like one.

Maybe we need to be ladders for each other. Ladders of millions of little walls, built up in seconds. Some people never get over them. But some people just don't recognise as well as they don't see the tinyness of these walls. And sometimes, yes sometimes they just need to take a step over the little wall, into the unknown knowing that everything after is better than standing in front of it.

murmel