blindshots

Proof ?

2006-10-27T15:08:00.000+02:00

Which gets me back to the point where I wonder why I DO wonder about it all instead of enjoying the feeling of loving and being loved.

Strange, but beautiful times lately. Don't come looking for me. I'm in the arms of my lover. Undercover.

little rock chick - totally emo

2006-10-10T00:03:00.000+02:00

Since the word and meaning of "emo" has almost chased me the last few days I decided to express my feelings about that in a new story about little rock chick and her life - if you happen to want to use this for your site, please mail to murmeline86 (at) gmx dot net. Thanks.

(c) by murmel / oct. 2006

a visitor from outer space ?

2006-09-28T23:35:00.000+02:00

This made me kind of smile and left me stunned at the same time.

little rock chick - out to everyone

2006-09-28T00:32:00.000+02:00

Out of boredom in a boring lesson of pedagogics I drew a new comic strip and story about the life and struggle of little goth girl, a rock music fanatic and lonely lesbian. In this show she recognises she's into girls, but her environment needs to know and reacts unexpected.
Click to enlarge and enjoy !

for the best picca in the world :)

2006-09-19T00:08:00.000+02:00

fiona apple. sleep to dream

1.Your Middle Name: Caecilia (really!)
2. Age: 20
3. Single or Taken: single
4. Favorite Movie: too many to name now - but mostly movies with a twisted edge and sick, funny stuff.
5. Favorite Song: currently "when you were young" by The Killers
6. Favorite Band/Artist: K's choice - but actually so many more.
7. Dirty or Clean: depends ;)
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings: not yet (planning to get tattooed)

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Do we know each other outside of Live Journal? Yesh.
2. What's your philosophy on life? "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and to be loved in return."
3. Would you have my back in a fight? Of course !
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest? Yup.
5. What is your favorite memory of us? Every laugh we have about something silly (especially "I have sex in the rain" Uli. *lol*)
6. Would you give me a kidney? Anytime.
7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you: I tend to be a very serious person although I might seem pretty happy most of the time. I like the scent of the moment close before the rain sets in. And I'm currently facing lonliness.
8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick? Gimme a train ticket and I'll be there. =)
9. Can we get together and make a cake? I dunno if I'm useful, because my baking skills are limited but yes. :)
10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately? No.
11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me? I never did.
12. Do you think I'm a good person? One of the best I got to know in my humble life.
13. Would you drive across country with me? To England and further !
14. Do you think I'm attractive? I can't say. You're my friend ! ;)
15. If you could change anything about me, would you? I wouldn't change anything, because friendship is about accepting each other the way you are.
16. What do you wear to sleep? Depends on the season. Mostly a t-shirt with short panties.
17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? Yes.
18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you? LoL. We already have our monthly dates, you know. DAT ? ;)
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together ? I don't know. I guess we'd party with all the people that we love and kill ourselves before it happens, because we're both uncomfortable with the thought of not having control over our lives and death as well.
20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? Done. :D

That woman got the blues...

2006-09-09T21:40:00.000+02:00

My connection is acting strange, so I can't upload the song right now....anyway. The lyrics are strong, too.

Anouk . loving whiskey

Well if you live in dusty twilight baby, that's ok
Cause there are women at the bar to greet you every day

You can take them back to lie with you and visit Jamie's room
But they can never take the pain away
Or brighten all the gloom

And if your hands are clenched with sorrow
May it help you ease your pain
Though the windows have a view of city rain, city rain

Well if you walk in constant sorrow
And you cry for me
And if you're hit with painful memories
Maybe then you'll see

That if you drown yourself in liquor
Because it keeps you company
Then just remember who you're losing
And be proud to set me free

Because it don't talk back or disagree
It just makes you see so hazily
But in de morning light your life is scattered with the wind,
scattered with the wind

And they tell you on the telephone to let him go
I said they tell you he's a sinking ship
And he's tryin' to pull you down
Don't you know

That every time you call me up and say you want me back
You know you break my heart
You said you want me to come back home and try again
You want me to make a brand new start

But if wisdom says to let him go
Then it's hell because you just don't know
Until you've tried to love a man who's lovin' whiskey
Lovin' whiskey

My baby left me for a bottle
And the lure of the nightlife
Good times and crazy women
And another glass of tangueray

But if wisdom says to let him go
Then it's hell because you just don't know
Until you've tried to love a man who's lovin' whiskey
Lovin' whiskey

murmel in German

2006-09-07T01:27:00.000+02:00

For the curious ones who aren't overstrained yet.

Vogelperspektiven und Ameisenmenschen

It gives me the chance to express myself better, because writing English is great fun, but not my mothers tongue. *whooo - a ryhme !*

virtual greetings *
murmel

What would I be....

2006-09-04T17:52:00.000+02:00

if I'd be....

a month: May
a day of the week: Friday
a daytime: early evening
a Planet: Pluto
an animal who lives in the sea: one of those fishes who can disguise themselves
a point of the compass: south-west *hehe*
a piece of furniture: a bed
a sin: lust. *muhahah*
a person in history: John Lennon
a fluid: Absinth
a stone: one of the fat and huge ones. ;)
a tree: a willow
a bird: an eagle
a tool: a hammer
a flower: a lily
a type of weather: sunshine with a cool wind
a mystic creature: the beast of "beauty and the beast"
an instrument: drums. really.
an animal: a cat
a color: blue
a vegetable: carrot
a sound: *peng*
an element: air
a car: Peugeot 8-)
a song: don't mag yourself (currently playing)
a movie: city of angels
a book: high fidelity by nick hornby
a religion: buddism
a word: fuck
a part of the body: hand
a facial expression: crying
a subject: history
a cartoon character: little rock chick ;)

shamelessly stolen by zis (c) *gg*

Game, set, Simpsons !

2006-09-04T02:05:00.000+02:00

.stattgespräch - viel zu viel.

I had a hard time sleeping on Friday night, because my stomach felt like my guts want to escape. My sis bought me Coke, Banana and pretzel sticks on saturday. Which helps against THAT kind of problems. I didn't think it would be so useful for my following two days.
I found myself spending it alone, because T. had a terrible cold, sounded bad on the phone and was sorry about not being able to come, but what does it bring when she shows up and is much sicker later on ? So I found myself lieing around the whole weekend. I looked forward for a 5 hour marathon of "The Simpsons" episodes on sunday! Ironically life beats you in the face when you think everything is going right. I woke up and couldn't see on my right eye. I almost went nuts, while my parents were advising me to do this and that. Finally it got better and I was able to enjoy my sunday afternoon (which doesn't happen that often, I gotta admit). After the episode marathon I watched lots of Tennis from the US open and found myself really enjoying it. And I drank definitely too much Coke ! It's even worse for a gastrointestinal problems, but my sleeping habits suffered like hell from it.

It was a great fun weekend, but I also thought a lot about this and that, caught an old friend online and listened to her everyday shitloads, she's dealing with. This remembered me to do a thing I wanted to do a long time ago. I registered myself a musician account at myspace to get my daily song ideas on a wire for the people who are interested.
http://www.myspace.com/katdot

murmel

Spot on !

2006-09-01T00:55:00.000+02:00

dishwalla . mad life

Tomorrow I will perform again with my band and I feel like it's the first gig every time I step on stage. Most of the time it's a very poor kind of stage, but it is my platform to show people what I can do best : Sing and play guitar. I guess I was useless for this world before I started to make music. This is how it feels now.
Some of you may not know how it feels to go on stage and play your songs, so I try to explain it. First of all : I like the whole happenings around as well. It's a good package, delivered to the right adress. I meet the people that discovered my/our music and invited us to play and have some nice chats, you set up the sound system, test your instruments, joke about this and that and then wait for the moment to come. It's time. My time. I'm able to present my music, together with my best friend(s) (because in the most cases and in the best ones, you're friends with your band members). And then : Spot on ! All eyes on me. Since I play my music I don't need to be the center of attention all the time anymore. I'm ok with having all attention on stage. We start to play the songs, songs that are filled with some of the strongest feelings a human being is able to send out and fill into a piece of music. And you give away your innermost to get applause back. It's like you fall into a sea of blankets, carried away by the people that shared their time with you to listen. And most of them listen more carefully than I do when I play my songs. They show up afterwards and explain how much they like the songs and that feels like heaven. Something I created means something to others, makes them feel vindicated in their feelings or just good. And I don't want to miss a single second of this. I'd like to tape EVERY gig we play and replay it again and again. But sometimes my memory is a good camera as well.
If I had to describe it shortly, I'd say I'm the most fulfilled and happy person in the world when I'm on stage. Maybe it's because I never felt anything stronger. I bet there's things like love that are able to make you feel the same, but lovers come and go. The music stays. And that's what's wonderful.

murmel

all that you can't leave behind

2006-08-28T21:37:00.000+02:00

.fleetwood mac.:. landslide (live) .

So there goes the weekend. The fact that you looked so forward for something that passes by so fast is strange enough. But hey : It was my birthday, so invited some friends to come over to AB City (I called it this way because most of you don't know where it is anyway and it's not THAT important) and go to the "Stadtfest". This a huge party throughout the whole city where live bands play on every corner, some on big stages - others on smaller ones.

Sadly the weather wasn't in the best mood, so we looked for shelter from the rain and found it in one of the loveliest bars around : The burren bar, an irish pub in AB City. We had great fun and laughed our asses off about some funny details, like ordering cherry-banana juice for almost everyone.

See for yourself, it looks like Lavalamps :

or this VERY fitting poster :

And because I got a special craving for asian food after chatting with joh and looking on her Nippon snapshots we got ourselves some VERY delicious, asian stuff :

After having food and drinks we decided to watch some bands play. Sadly I have no good pictures of "ononmototolo" who covered U2, Sting and The Police in a great way.

All in all it was a very nice weekend with some of my best friends. Thanks to the freckle who resisted my bad jokes and blabbering attacks. You rock ! :)

The headline is - how fitting - from a U2 record. And it has a special reason. It's strange, but after reaching the age 20 some old habits fell off me like melting snow. I try to reflect myself and my behaviour a little more, keep up the contact with beloved ones and put myself a bit more behind, listen more. I think it's a good way. And it pays back soon. Today I chatted with an internet buddy who has been in Australia for one year. And I apologized. It's hard to get your mistakes into a sorry word. But it relieves and lets you think that are some things you CAN leave behind and some things are better brought up again.

murmel

A song

2006-08-23T00:47:00.000+02:00

..again and yes it's the bare truth. This song almost made me cry - if I wouldn't be out of tears yet I surly cried. Anyway, I think you should listen to it and read what got me so tear blinded. Sometimes people sing what you can't explain.

Natalie Merchant .:. my skin

Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here that I don't understand
Your face-saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them

Because I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
Well, contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart
They say that promises sweeten the blow
But I don't need them, no
I don't need them

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
I'm the slow dying flower
In the frost killing hour
Sweet turning sour anduntouchable

Oh, I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this
I need a lullaby
A kiss good night
Angel sweet love of my life
Oh, I need this

I'm the slow dying flower
In the frost killing hour
Sweet turning sour anduntouchable
Do you remember the way that you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored
Your face-saving promises whispered like prayers
I don't need them

Oh, I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this
I need a lullaby
A kiss good night
Angel sweet love of my life
Oh, I need this

Well is it dark enough
Can you see me
Do you want me
Can you reach me
Oh, I'm leaving
You better shut your mouth
And hold your breath
And kiss me now
And catch your death
Oh, I mean this
Oh, I mean this

Edit : I'll take this player out of the blog after a few days, because it starts automatically and I don't want to go on your nerves. To click on the "stop" button if you have enough of the song is self explainatory.

3 weeks

2006-08-19T23:44:00.000+02:00

Some people kept asking me what I ACTUALLY DID the last 3 weeks. So here are some impressions of my work with altogether 180 kids.

Have a nice end of the weekend.

And Mel : Sorry for my absence in all types of media. I hope I can be online and reachable tomorrow.

murmel

the returning pattern

2006-08-14T22:17:00.000+02:00

.sun kil moon - tiny cities made of ashes.

Do you know the small path between falling asleep and being awake ? I think I'm trapped inbetween. After I found out for myself that there's no masterplan or big thing to come I stumble through the day with a big white veil in front of my eyes. And this makes it kind of ironic because I preach to all of my friends that things will get better and that it's right to go out and give yourself away. I think I gave all of my precious parts away and now I'm just a machine with a returning pattern. Falling in and out of love and trying to get over it somehow. I can't even say I hate it. I'm getting used to it. And this is what scares me.

crap deluxe

2006-07-30T02:16:00.000+02:00

Ok, this is human, right ? If we don't have any bigger problems, we create ourselves some. I tried to post a review of the Kettcar concert (if it's a german band, it's not really reasonable to post it on the english blog. The words lose their meaning and it's just not ... I dunno. It doesn't work.) but I didn't.
But I decided that blogigo sucks. It doesn't resize my posted pictures, the design mode doesn't work and I just don't think we'll be friends. I deleted my account. So don't waste your time clicking on my german blog. I'll think about a new one.
That's no big thing, you might think but for me it is.
Maybe it's because I just came home from a wedding (which ALWAYS makes me sentimental) and I had nothing else to do than to worry about this fucking blog problem.

I noticed that I swear a lot lately. Even on our gig yesterday. Does this mean something ? Hmmm....

But anyway : Here's a picture of the gig. A picture says more than 1000 words. Needless to say it was one of the best live performances I've ever seen.

I'll be away for 3 weeks now. And I don't think I'll be online for very long if I'm home on the weekends. So : If you feel like talking to me, simply dial my mobile number.

"...und du kannst ja gehen...und wir, wir sagen dir dann wie's war.." - Kettcar . volle distanz

luxurous greetings
murmel

PS : The typos come back. I should sleep more. Definetely.

Ja, ja...

2006-07-26T09:32:00.000+02:00

I'm a crazy fool who has nothing else to do than to blog about every single fucking detail in my miserable life. But I've got a new blog. In German again. I miss writing my daily crap in my mother tongue.
If you're curious, attending a german lesson or just want to look over for the content : Click at killerkiwi - zwischen tarantino und fruchtsaft -> still in the works.

Adios !

murmel

rozenbottels and running on dry

2006-07-25T00:43:00.000+02:00

--> ani di franco . untouchable face (live)

This day was relaxing in general. We had very few kids to look after and because of the heat nobody could get outside. So we sat down and I spent a round of ice tea for everybody.
Out of boredom we played around with the dutch ingredients and the words that are said there. The kids favourite word was "rozenbottel", because it sounds weird and it's fun to speak. If I'd translate it to it's not that extraordinary and funny anymore, so : Look for the translation yourself ! :p

Not only the weather makes me kinda feel down. We postponed the recording session to tonight at 7pm and I still don't have any ideas. I dunno what to write about anyway.

And listening to Ani and her genius lyrics doesn't lift my self-concience at all.

I should go and see what's gonna come out.

they told you your music could reach millions
the choice was up to you
you told me they always pay for lunch
and they believe in what i do
and i wonder if you'll miss your old friends
once you've proven what you're worth
and i wonder when you're a big star
will you miss the earth
and i know you always, always want more
i know you, you'll never be done

because everyone is a fucking napoleon
everyone is a fucking napoleon

ani difranco . napoleon

murmel

edit : I wrote a song during the recording session. It's called "running on dry".

shoegazing

2006-07-22T13:02:00.000+02:00

It's no secret that Germany is suffering under the mercyless heat that's coming over the country. There have been severeal injured and collapsed people, one dead girl in Bavaria (breakdown within a 75m run) and of course fans are sold-out. So : What else to do these days than sitting in the shade with a cool, non-alcoholic drink and a good book ? ? ?

BUT you may all have a mother. And you know what mothers like to do. They think you're broke and generally unable to pick the right shoes and pants for yourself. So did my mom. She kicked me out of bed at 9am (after a short night, because I worked overtime and came home at 11pm instead of 5.30pm!!!) and decided to drag me to the city. So we ended up there and she always picked on me, because "I AM GRUMPY". Of course I AM ! I'm no fan of running around and look for shoes and pants when it's 35 ° C (95°F!!) outside. So this was basically my first half of the day.

And I plan to lie in the shade. Not more and not less. Watch out MOM ! *swings a full bottle of juice*

murmel

follow the fake rainbow bikini !

2006-07-19T22:00:00.000+02:00

!!!!

Don't ask why. There's no real reason. I'm just melting away and found another stunning piece of randomness in my all-day life which I wanted to share with you.

murmel

randomness

2006-07-17T23:10:00.000+02:00

Things I noticed. Again !

1. I've had some heavy rotation LPs these days

and

2. I stumbled through the day : No single situation without me getting hurt somewhere. Maybe it's the weariness.

3. I passed my exams with a 1 (= A) in German and a 2 (=B) in Pedagogics. I thought I was very bad, but life sometimes proves that black is white.

4. There are only 2 weeks left until I'm finished at my working place. The kids were really sad today when I told them. I'm sorry for them, too but not for my working mates. Can't even call them "mates".

5. I have holidays from 28th of July until 13th of September. Two days later, because THE POPE is coming to Bavaria. Never thought I'd enjoy the fact that he's here. But hey : 2 days more for me.

6. Realised that I'm working 3 weeks in August. Urgh. But money makes the world go round.

7. Discovered a cool band from Texas. Bon Terra. I looove their song "underdog" ! :D
Check them out at myspace (www.myspace.com/bonterrarocks) and on their homepage (www.bonterratheband.com) !

8. I'm getting along with html.

9. Sascha and I will start recording next week. Yihaa !

10. I miss myself.

Only bored people do surveys !

2006-07-17T18:16:00.000+02:00

So do I. And I'm not ashamed of it. Sorry for stealing it, Picca. I hope you'll be interested in my answers anyway.

Put your music player on shuffle
Post the first 40 songs that come up. You can repeat artists if you want. Then answer the questions.

SONGS
1. Beatsteaks . filter
2. cold . suffocate
3. morrissey . first of the gang to die
4. sarah bettens . busy (live)
5. snow patrol . chasing cars
6. sarah bettens . stay (acoustic)
7. ani DiFranco . napoleon (live)
8. gorillaz . don't get lost in heaven
9. k's choice . winners (live)
10. woodface . good morning hope (live)
11. sarah bettens . not insane
12. jason mraz . clockwatching
13. we are scientists . nobody move, nobody get hurt
14. morcheeba . what new york couples fight about
15. foo fighters . razor
16. sarah bettens . not an addict (live)
17. cat stevens . the wind
18. groove armada . think twice
19. tool . faaip de ooaid
20. the raconteurs . intimate secretary
21. k's choice . another year (live from Tel-Aviv)
22. cold . wasted years
23. kettcar . im taxi weinen
24. gorillaz . demon days
25. nirvana . pennyroyal tea (unplugged)
26. bangles . manic monday
27. jimmy eat world . kill
28. sheryl crow . all I wanna do
29. 12 stones . let go
30. john butler trio . damned to hell
31. ani difranco . 32 flavours
32. ani difranco . going down
33. melissa ferrick . then so it is
34. wir sind helden . rüssel an schwanz
35. elliott smith . lets get lost
36. evanescence . hello
37. del amitri . sleep instead of teardrops
38. ani difranco . fire door (live)
39. eva cassidy . time after time
40. nick drake . black mountain

QUESTIONS:
1. Which song do you prefer, #1 or #40?
Hmm, I guess I'll put a tie in here. Both artists have good songs and as I don't like this one from Nick Drake not THAT much it's a tie.

2. Have you ever listened to #12 continuously on repeat?
Honestly, I never listened to it before. I just put it on my PC and so it popped up.

3. What album is #26 from?
Gosh, I dunno. It's the Bangles. I'm no hardcore fan, I just like some songs.

4. What do you think about the artist who did #15?
One of the last good, ass-kicking and credible bands alive. And the funny thing is I thought for YEARS that the drummer of Nirvana had a brother who plays guitar in the foo fighters. ;)

5. Is #19 one of your favorite songs?
Nopes. I like other songs from them.

6. Who does #38 remind you of?
It reminds me of Mel, because she gave me some Ani stuff and made me fall in love with her music again after I listened to her before and didn't get why all people love her so much.

7. Does #20 have better lyrics or music?
Again a song I didn't listen to yet. So it's not possible to say.

8. Do any of your friends like #3?
Katharina loves it and she gave it to me. :)

9. Is #33 from a movie soundtrack?
Nopes, but it's off the soundtrack of my life. Very meaningful song.

10. Is #18 overplayed on the radio?
Definetely not. Still it's a poppy and very good song.

11. What does #21 remind you of?
Me, walking around my flat when listening to the album it the first time and the feeling of stumbling over some extraordinary piece of music.

12. Which song do you prefer, #5 or #22?
I like both, because the transported feeling is quite the same. Strange, but true.

13. What album is #17 from?
Hmmm, it's on the "almost famous" o.s.t., but I guess it's from one of Stevens early LPs. Dunno.

14. When did you first hear #39?
Hmmm, that's hard to say. But it's one of my favourites of all time.

16. What genre is #8?
I'd say pop/trip-hop

17. Do any of your friends like #14?
I dunno. Mel probably does, because I got the LP from her.

18. What color does #4 remind you of?
It's not a color, it's more a vague veil of sunlight, mixed with clouds.

19. Have you ever blasted #11 on your stereo?
Hell yeah ! It's an ass-kicking song !

20. What genre is #37?
Sophisticated Pop.

21. Can you play #13 on any instrument?
Probably on guitar, but haven't tried yet(good idea, btw. ;) ).

22. What is your favorite line from #30?
Hmm, I think it's an instrumental. But instrumentals are sometimes even better than too much lyrics.

23. What is your favorite lyric from #23?
"..das gegenteil von gut ist gut gemeint
in empfindsamkeit vereint. hier. befindlichkeitsfixierter aufstand.."

24. Would you recommend #24 to your friends?
Yup, but I guess it'd have to be a friend who likes that kind of music.

25. Is #2 a good song to dance to?
Not really. It's melancholic. Maybe just a little elegy in squares or smth. like that.

26. Do you ever hear #16 on the radio?
Not on german radio cause they fucking dunno what they miss when they don't play her songs.

27. Is #32 more of a “nighttime” or “daytime” song?
Nighttime.

28. Does #36 have any special meaning to you?
Yes, it helped me dealing with lots of stuff. But this is getting personal, so I'll cut it at this point.

29. Do any of your friends like #31?
Yesh, Mel looooves it. ^^

30. Is #25 a fast or slow song?
It's mellow and slow.

31. Is #35 a happy or sad song?
Hmm, haven't listened to it precise enough to say it. But Elliott Smith is dead, so everything he sings is basically sad. A big loss. I love his songs.

32. What is one of your favorite lyrics from #9?
"if I could put you in a frame I'd draw you smiling."

33. Is #34 better to listen to alone or with friends?
With friends

34. When did you first hear #27?
A few years ago, I guess.

35. Name 3 other songs by the artist who did #29?
only know "broken" (which is also superb, btw) of them.

36. Do you know all the words to #6?
Of course! :)

37. Does #28 have better lyrics or music?
Better music definetely. The lyrics are pretty plain.

38. What album is #10 from?
From the also entitled "good morning hope" LP. Great album !

I did it all for one cookie !

2006-07-11T22:54:00.000+02:00

Today was a wild mixture of working outside, building houses for the kiddies to play in and putting aaall that stuff afterwards online, e.g. transport it from the camera onto the PC AND redesigning my myspace site (if you're curious, it's still : http://www.myspace.com/murmel86). While encoding my video, I got bored and drew a little cartoon. Don't expect Picassos - it was just a little time by myself with weird thoughts in my head and a pencil in my hand. It's about a girl. Today, she was born and caught my attention immediately - cause she's so full of randomness. I hope you can read it.

Ladies and Gents, make way for:

Little rock chick !

click to enlarge

busy greetings
murmel

who needs a story if you have a song ?

2006-07-10T21:10:00.000+02:00

Hot town, summer in the city...

even in the morning you could see the stirring heat over the streets and the city - it's gonna be a hot day and no one knows where our school project leads us to

back of my neck getting dirty and gritty

after finding out that we were asked to redesign a playground for kids from the age 0-3 years we started and after a short while I had little pieces of wood everywhere on my body, especially my neck itched so hard it drove me nuts - but it's all for the kiddies, so what ?

been down, isn't it a pity ?

it's early noon when I started to feel my bones, and they didn't feel good. Working in the garden, digging out holes, sawing holes in wooden houses and pressing boards against screws is not really the healthiest activity in the sticky summer sun. But hey, another good point : I get muscles and another tan ! Yihaa !

doesn't seem to be a shadow on the city

who cares about the heat? we drove in a climated car ! HAHA ! And this day was fun. This day was about DOING SOMETHING and not sitting around to write off stuff from the chalk board.

And action !

murmel

A song and many thoughts

2006-07-05T09:10:00.000+02:00

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway

Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
'Cause she's got nowhere to go

And she wonders where these dreams go
'Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway

And you know I see right through you
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screamin'
You're not listening anyway

goo goo dolls . acoustic #3

I listened to it like five times in a row to get the whole meaning, but some songs dig in a deepness you never looked in. You never allowed yourself to look in. Interesting how one song can fit so good.

acoustic greetings
murmel

one finger on the sun...

2006-07-03T22:59:00.000+02:00

..there it is.

The official, first done song of the record. Not very special designed, but it doesn't need to be anyway. Sascha brought it to me after remastering and singing a new second voice on it.
Not only a nice thing because it's delivered on time to the guy who puts it on a local newcomer sampler - Sascha and I were able to talk. About silent revolution, the music, the women and life in general. It's always a very interesting share of thoughts and not rarely we laugh out loud at the end of it because we're soo right about it all.
And that's what made me realise what life is all about : Sharing your feelings. Now matter how you do it, just do so. Even if it's hard to say you're sorry, you're happy or sad. Feelings are the strongest signs of living. And if you find out one day, you're feelings are gone - you're probably lifeless then.

"Still waitin' for the day you open up and see
how beautiful this world can be
when you appreciate the beauty in itself
and be yourself someday..."

contemplative greetings
murmel

Germany by car and a journey to myself

2006-07-02T22:18:00.000+02:00

bon terra . definitely

After a little chillout saturday I had a date today with three guys 40 kilometers away from my place. They're trying to put a band together and looked for a singer/guitarist. So, I accepted the invitation and drove to their place.
Not that I had to drive by memory and intuition, the journey made me also realise how many beautiful corners Germany actually has. The sun was shining, the sky was drenched in blue : What else do you need ?
I listened to the "graduated fool" LP by Anouk whilst driving and became contemplative about everything that's going on so far. Confronted with myself, all alone in the car and many roads ahead I questioned my relation to beloved people, my efforts to keep up my education and my musical obsession. I mean, honestly that's all I can do well. I've never been good at school or in my job. But just give me a guitar and a mic and I sing and play for my life. This is my life.

At least I was able to do this now. I arrived late but the guys took it with a smile and lead me into the basement where everything was build up already. The drummer was a bit late, so we talked about the "Southside Festival" because the guitarist has been there also. After the drummer arrived, we rehearsed a bit. I played a song of mine to them and within 1 hour the song was finished. I tell you, it's a kick-ass song and it sums everything up that has happened in my life over the last years. Working title :

"anybodys shoulder"

I almost forgot how it feels to play with a full band and it was huge fun ! :) The guys are very talented and determined. Two of the things you should call your own if you want to make it one day.
So, this was a very nice way of ending the weekend.
And being away from home and your room is good. It refreshed the heart and mind. And mine definitely needed a little bit of fresh air.

have a nice end of the weekend
murmel

the return of random things

2006-06-27T23:53:00.000+02:00

--> the gossip . standing in the way of control

Interesting notices of today

1. I got a TAN !

2. I need more sleep than the human body even needs. Humm...should I think about that or just give up wondering ?

3. I'm really messy. You know, not messy like throwing garbage in my flat - I just forget many things and feel like sleepwalking awake. Strange.

4. SOMEONE changed my blog settings. So, now it looks fucked up on both browsers. And YES, I did refresh the browers. *wink*

5. France was much better than expected and I'm happy for Zinedine Zidane and his goal. One of my favourite players and probably one of the best midfielders of all time anyway.

6. I tell myself everyday to go to bed earlier but I always happen to go to bed around midnight. I can't even call it an inner clock. I just don't feel like sleeping before that time. Maybe this would change if I had someone to lie next to.

7. I'm curious about my exam results and honestly : Maybe it would be even good if I fail. Don't look like this ! It's good to not go nuts about it, right ? So : I'm calm like corn in the field.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHMMMMMMMM .

Later than late
murmel

PS : A tip, just to let you know :
Germany vs. Argentina 2:1
^^

Impressions from "Southside Festival" 2006

2006-06-26T17:48:00.000+02:00

As I know that Mel will probably write also a review I just thought of posting some snapshots I did this weekend.

Short summary :

+ GOOD +
+I met some very nice people, had good talks and got their adresses to stay in contact
+the weather was more than summer like and I have like 5 sunburns - but who cares if you had the perfect festival weather ? :)
+I had a nice trip to the swimming pool in Tuttlingen with our tent neighbors from Stuttgart
+the bands were awesome and I even happened to see some new bands I haven't heard that much of
+We were able to watch the Germany football game and they won ! :D
+I met "the kooks" and "elbow" at the autograph stand and they were VERY nice - :)
+Best Performances: Billy Talent, The Kooks, Skin, The Raconteurs, Elbow, Wir sind Helden, The Gossip

-BAD-
- my backpack got stolen - I got to wear the SAME clothes from friday to sunday night and some of my favourite Band T-Shirts are gone - I hope, not forever :s
- the baggage controls at the festival ground entrance were a bit too picky - I always had to wait 10 minutes to get through :(
- I missed "The Cardigans" because of the Germany game - but Mel said they sucked anyway ;)
- the prices for the beverages were totally off the wall - and of course the well-known german beer brewery made the deal of their lifetime in the heat of Neuhausen *grrr*
- Although we were lucky not to get stuck in the huge storm we had big problems to drive - the sky seemed to open its gates and a dangerous mix of wind/hail/rain/thunder/lightning was coming over

All in all it was a good weekend and I hope my tent buddies see it the same way.

Here are some photos (-> click to enlarge) :

Luke Pritchard (The Kooks)

Ben Harper

Benjamin Kowalewicz (Billy Talent)

Guy Garvey (Elbow)

THE STORM

Laters

murmel

hands down . . .

2006-06-20T23:19:00.000+02:00

...feet up, head high ! I'm done. Done with my exams, done with my working mates, happily looking for my second festival this year!

Southside Festival :)

And I found out that I'm not resist against the heat that's raging here in Germany. I'm slightly going nuts, but to quote "SOMEONE" :

me : "Aw, yeah I'm crazy today, I know.."
Mel : "today ?"

That's all folks ! ;)

See ya

murmel

Watch out, Sigmund Freud !

2006-06-19T09:02:00.000+02:00

--> traffic noise from outside

Yesterday night I dreamt shitloads of pointless stuff. Amusing, but as I take my dreams pretty serious I started to wonder about :

- > me, holding hands with a girl, that surly DOESN'T want to hold hands with me
- > running with her up to a hill (people told me it's a good place to hang around) where we find a rusted, old bus
- > the radioin the bus is still working and tells us that a body was found near this place
- > we run like hell, while we are chased by this man

For your information - he's no murderer, politician or bad person in any sense. Just a sport moderator. Strange enough that HE should be the enemy. Tss. But maybe sport moderators are the new bad people of tomorrow. Who knows ?

- > after being chased (we got away safely ! YAAAY! ) the "girl" runs away and feel that I lost her
- > I scream her name as loud as I can and suddenly and old classmate of mine says [imagine a incredibly low voice for a girl] : "Hey, maybe she's on the hill!"
- > I run up that hill, but I just find her keys and she wrote on it "HAHA!" with an arrow to the left
- > I find her and introduce my former classmate to her

Then I wake up and I just have one question :

WTF ?

Sigmund Freud would be pleased to analyse this.

But maybe Sarah Bettens was true when she sang :

"It's okay to wonder why but don't expect to understand your life."

murmel

2006

2006-06-15T13:49:00.000+02:00

sportfreunde stiller . 54, 74, 90, 2006 ;)

Mercy to everyone who hates football these days. In Germany you can't get out of this alive. And for those who wrote good marks in the history lesson it wasn't always easy to be proud of Germany. But lately a kind of invisible power has moved the country. Strange enough that such a pointless sport like football can unite people from all possible countries, but in Germany I think everyone would agree if I call it mass hysteria. Gladly, I'm a football fan and former footballer (yes, hit me! I can stand it! ;). And I surly will be at some place with a biiig screen on the next match.

grassy greetings -- :)
murmel

anti or independent ?

2006-06-11T22:22:00.000+02:00

--> alice in chains . rooster (unplugged)

Do you know that point when you felt like you had built up your own little universe with favourite movies, music and people and suddenly feel so stressed out of holding all these things up ?

I thought a bit of my life in the last half year and I came to the conclusion that I don't need to be anti or something. It's the wrong expression of a life-style that has corrupted myself. I feel like I need to be independent.
Independent of all these consum things that try to suck up the rest of your mind and the money out of your pocket, independent of people who cost me so much power to hold on and don't even notice it, independent of this "if you don't like this or do this you're uncool" attitude, independent of my feelings and thoughts who often stop me from living life as it is : Precious.
And even if some people will think now : Ow, come on you're not one of this consum people !
I'm only human. I often wish myself a new car or other material things. Maybe to stuff up the lonliness, I don't know.

But it feels good to know that autumn will change some things. Hopefully. I feel dried out lately.

"alright"

2006-06-09T22:37:00.000+02:00

One of the best new songs of Anouk, a kick-ass live version and that fitting moment that you may know.

Anouk . alright

Some things are better left unsaid
You'll find a nice place to hide them
But days like this
There is just too much going on, yeah
So I'm picking up the pieces of my past
But I can't find no peace at all

So in other words
I am so ready to be found

So I'll try and I might
Stand up and fight
To leave this place someday
All I need is that moment
To make me believe that you're alive
And then I'll be alright, alright

Paradise grown cold
One hand on my door
Way too high hopes
I can't tell right from wrong
Show me how it's done
Lord I need to be saved
And then I'll be alright, alright yeah

On days like these
There is just too much going on
So I try and I might
Stand up and fight
To leave this place someday
All I need is this moment
To make me believe that you're alive
And then I'll be alright

Paradise grown cold
One hand on my door
Way too high hopes
I can't tell right from wrong
Show me how it's done
Lord I need to be saved
And then I'll be alright
And then I'll be alright
And then I'll be alright
And then I'll be alright
And then I'll be alright

Click to listen to "alright" :

http://www.amazon.de/exec/obidos/clipserve/B0009S1D8G001006/303-9687387-9110605

I'm away for the weekend, if you might wonder why I don't respond to private messages or e-mails. You can reach me on mobile, if necessary or wanted.

greetings *
murmel

tracks , plugs and miles for more - Rock im Park 2006 - Part 2

2006-06-07T18:31:00.000+02:00

-> Star FM (again, great mix of music !)

still Saturday, 3rd of June, 2006 - center stage
After our odyssey of walking Oli and I decided to stay at the center stage where some "kick-ass" (in it's truest sense) bands where waiting to be seen.
I totally enjoyed myself when a guy popped up who stared at Luzies injured finger (as probably 100 other people did this weekend) and introduced himself as a double. Sometimes I feel embarrassed to even like this guys song but hey : We all got our dark past. Some more, some less. ;)

The sexiest David Hasselhoff double on this festival *gg*

The time flew and while Mike and Luzie walked off to see "Kaizers Orchestra" we had the pleasure to see the latest hit band from Japan : "Dir en grey". Lets say it was : WEIRD ! And in a really weird sense. The singer Kyo looked like he was facing an exorcist right on stage, while the rest of the band looked preoccupied in nothing. And if that wasn't enough he thought he needed to spice up his performance with a self-destructing action.

Kyo (Dir en grey)

I had a good laugh when he looked into the crowd like they had spiders on their heads. And besides that, lets not forget what they played : A mix of industrial, death metal and hard rock. In japanese, of course. Now I know how a bad trip could feel like.

Later on, some true old school guys were waiting to rock the stage : "Deftones".
The band played some well known songs but didn't get it to really to elate me.
Anyway, good groove and well played as expected.

Chino Moreno (Deftones)

But now I got curious, cause no one else but "Korn" were up next. After a long waiting period they appeared on stage with some strange guys in with horse and rabbit masks who sang background vocals and played synthies. Jonathan Davis felt the need of taking a shot of a oxygen machine after every song. But that's nothing special for a Korn gig and somehow everyone was fine with because all hits were delivered. "make me bad" , "freak on a leash", the latest single "twisted transistor" and the all-time classic "Shoots and ladders" which made everyone freak out (including me)

Jonathan Davis (Korn) with bagpipe at "shoots and ladders"

Afterwards "Tool" followed. But I tell you something : In all my time of listening and seeing music I've never been so disappointed about a band than on that evening.
Pubertal sentences like "Are you wet ?" after a short period of rain and a not recognisable singer . Plus for the guitar player wearing a germany football shirt and the good musical set-up, but I was simply bored. And I even don't know why, because I love Tool and Maynards side project "a perfect circle". Anyway, switch to the "club stage" which we entered to see "Dredg", but we were too early and I really enjoyed "Art Brut" who made the audience go wild with songs like "We formed a band", "Moving to L.A.", "Good Weekend" and "Emily K.". Well, actually the whole record is a hit although not everybody liked them. But I did.
Next band : "Dredg". Do I need to add anything to this band ? One word : Wonderful.

Mark Engles (Dredg) - afterwards my battery decided to fail :(

End of Day 2.

Sunday, 4th of June 2006
Today we decided to go earlier to the festival terrain, because Mike was keen to see "animal alpha" play at the club stage. They didn't rock my socks, but played solid rock music with a nice singer. She reminded me of Sandra Nasic of the "Guano Apes" and that's no bad reference.
I knew that my new personal heros "The Dresden Dolls" would play on the "Alternastage" in about an hour, so we left immediately after the gig of "Alexisonfire", who battled with some technical issues.
We were too early, but in this case it wasn't bad at all. Let me introduce : the discovery of the festival - Jason Mraz.

Jason Mraz ( middle ) and band

Totally acoustic set, cover of "rocketman" from Elton John, very well-sung two and three voices with the percussionist and the bass player. Three thumbs up ! :D

Third on this afternoon, but not less good : "The Dresden Dolls". :)

Amanda Palmer and Brian DiViglione (The Dresden Dolls)

They played such songs as "coin-operated boy" and "half-jack", but also new stuff like "backstabber". Priceless. Catch them everywhere you're able to. I just love their way of interpretating music and lyrics. The definite highlight was a cover of the german 80s hit "Eisbär", sung in GERMAN by Amanda ! And she told us in german, she isn't sure if Pete Doherty even will be here (the "babyshambles" were up next). Funny, exciting, sympathic ! Three and a half thumb up ! :D

"There can't be anything better" I thought and dashed off to the "center stage" to see "The Darkness", THE fun-80s-Glamrock Sensation of the last years. I almost laughed my ass off when Justin Hawkins overpitched his voice to catch the REAL high notes. And the band did a kinda running gag when they played intros of several AC/DC songs. The crowd went nuts when they really played "highway to hell", sung by bass player Richie Edwards who is a new member of the band after former bass player Francis Poullain left. Very good, funny and entertaining. They definitely know how to make people go crazy. If my camera works I will post some pics of the gig here.

Highlight of the evening and the whole festival : "Metallica".
I never expected them to be such ass-kicking, professional and nice guys as they were on that night. Playing all classics from the LP "master of puppets" and some evergreens like "fuel", "sad but true", "seek and destroy", "wherever I may roam", "nothing else matters", "so fucking what?" and "one".
I also have pictures of that highlight and James Hetfields incredible old beard. ;) Sadly they're on that part of the disk that didn't work. Will post them as soon as possible.

Summing up the weekend I'd shoot with the following words :

*aching feet*earplugs*x-box ;)* dear friends* food* injured fingers* tracks * classics* photos * weed (because strangely there was always someone smoking pot next to me ! I fucking don't know why !) * blue eyes * elegy * melody * guitars* scream * only next year with less miles to go ;)

Thank you again, Mike. Because of your hospitality, the guitar playing, the cooking, the car crashing and the companionship with your incredible funny sister you made the weekend something to remember and for a long time. :)
Feel tightly hugged !

And the best thing is : SOUTHSIDE IS ONLY 2 WEEKS AWAY ! :D ;)

Have a nice evening *
murmel

tracks , plugs and miles for more - Rock im Park 2006 - Part 1

2006-06-06T16:18:00.000+02:00

--> Star FM ( http://www.starfm.de )

Back from THE festival in the southern hemisphere I'm trashed, rocked and buzzed from the music that hammered in my ears for 3 days. But lets not anticipate everything. This is the first part. Second will follow.

Friday, 2nd of June 2006 , 4:15 pm
After arriving at the central station of Nuremberg I was quite unsure where to go. But hey ! THERE ! Dozens of people with backpacks, food and broad smiles on their faces ! Rock im Park can't be far away ! So I followed (which isn't one of my favourite activities as some people might know ;) and arrived at the huuuge festival terrain. It seemed like a refugee camp. From everywhere people came, drunk and sober in a quite 50/50 proportion. *gg*
I wasn't happy about the fact that I had to carry ALL my stuff (which weighed something about 10 kilos [20 pounds for the guys without the metric system] ) to the festival and back. But at least I had the opportunity to sleep at my dear friend's Mike place. :) So : No camping in the freezing cold. At least something good.
After leaving my shtuff at one of the baggage service stations (Good idea. And 1,50 € is fair for one piece of baggage) I met Mike right before the

"center stage"

which is the stage where the "big" bands play. My watch said 5:15pm when I saw the bright shining logo of "Franz Ferdinand" at the center stage. 15 minutes later groovy chords halled through the park and the band appeared on stage with sun glasses. In the meanwhile I got to know Mikes sister Luzie and some of his working mates. Little "saying-hi-session", having snacks, spilling beer over jackets ;) and dancing to the wonderful "do you want to" after I felt the need to leave the guys to see "Anouk". I just love her voice and her music and was thankful for the opportunity to see her in Germany.
So I started to my way to the "club stage" which was a little tent with a capacity of 2.000 people. What I didn't know was the fact that the stages were farer away because of the world cup that will take place also in Nuremberg in a few days.
The end result was a 2 kilometers [1.24 miles] walk through the whole festival ground with aching feet and the slight feeling of panic because I was VERY late. And that's not good if you're familiar with the fact that some bands just play 30 minutes at a festival. :s
I started to hate football even more after asking my way through tent villages, broken beer bottles and kissing couples just to find out I was wrong again. So I called Oli, an old music fellow of mine who was also there to see Anouk and he led me to the club stage.
The good news : I was right on time ! :)

[check out http://www.fotoseite.net for more photos]

And there she was. Bombastic, strong, cheerful and funny. With a fantastic band in the back she rocked out and played many songs of the new album "hotel new york", but also "nobody's wife" which made hell break loose within the circa 200 viewers. Three thumbs up ! :D

But Oli and I weren't able to celebrate our enthusiasm, cause Placebo was next on the center stage. So, what does that mean ? YESH PEOPLE ! AAAALL the way back to the center stage! *sigh*
But hey : It's Placebo. So we almost ran the whole way when hearing the first notes of "post blue" from far away, one of my favourites of the new LP.
Many new songs but also classics like "every you, every me" and "20 years" were played and you could see Brian Molkos enthusiasm when the crowd started to sing along.
Stunning. Although I was more fascinated by the girl behind me who cried her eyes out. And I even don't know why but I couldn't help but stare at her. The music of Placebo and her sad blue eyes just fitted perfectly together. Strange.

Then, the highlight of the day (which made some people really jealous)

Depeche Mode

ready to rock ?

2006-06-01T22:46:00.000+02:00

--> now playing : piccadilly on the phone

So people : Tomorrow I'll be at "rock im park" until Monday in the afternoon.
Trying to catch the best moments and bands for you on digital space.

have nice wee......kend *ggg*

murmel

MY space

2006-05-29T00:09:00.000+02:00

[no comment]

Lately I'm crazy about myspace.com and I dunno why. Just registred out of boredom but I know now why so many people like the idea. It's a worldwide connection of people that are able to find each other during having the same taste in music, movies or in general a sympathy for each other.
So, it's a very good idea. And there are even some of my favourite artists there with a profile. I sent some friendship offers to

- Ryan Adams
- Sarah Bettens
- Grand Hotel van Cleef
- Kettcar
- Olli Schulz und sein Hund Marie

Hihi. This seems so cool to have Sarah Bettens in your friendship list. Muhahaha. I know, I like to show off. But who doesn't ? ;)

So, if you happen to be registred at myspace.com, just drop by and write me a message. And yes, I do have another blog there. *gg*

Link is http://www.myspace.com/murmel86

Volunteers for help with that *&%$§" ! html thing are also welcome. But only if you're willing to. I can be nerve-racking when I don't understand what to do. *winks*

have a nice start of the week

murmel

Other useless things you should know about me

2006-05-27T20:14:00.000+02:00

--> panic ! at the disco . I write sins, not tragedies

Actually I quite dislike to translate questionaries, but this one seemed kinda cool. And it's from picca, that's why. ^^

1. With which "star" would you like to shag ?
Hihi. LEISHA HAILEY ! *scream*

2. If your soul would be colored, which color would it be ?
Red.

3. Imagine several catastrophes erased all possible food, which 3 groceries would
have to exist to ensure your survival ?
roll, rice, chicken

4. Three things that REALLY bug you at the moment:
1. my studying lazyness
2. disconnection (in many ways)
3. prejudice

5. With which superhero do you indentify the most ?
Hmmm, never thought about it. But I saw "X-Men 2" a few days ago and I quite
liked the role of "Nightcrawler".

6. What was your dreamjob when you were little ?
a trapez artist. But I overthought it after I hung on the trapez for real and
wasn't able to come down again. ;)

7. Three characteristic traits that describe you the best :
1. contemplative
2. funny
3. sarcastic

8. Which things make you cry regularly ?
I don't cry that often, but lately it's the feeling of being caught in the
wrong job and the urge to make music but not being able to cause everything is
pent-up and blocks my brain.

9. Your biggest frailty / your biggest power :
my strange ability to interpret untrue things into situations / my humor

10. What scares you ?
Future.

11. You're about to be transplanted. Which organ needs to be replaced ?
My heart.

12. If Tom Cruise and Angelina Jolie would ring at your door, what would you do ?
"Hi, how are you ? Where did you leave Leisha ?" ;)

13. The last nightmare you had and remember :
My boss' dad died and she cried in my arms. I don't like my boss THAT much to
have to urge to imagine she lies crying in my arms.

14. Three quirks :
1. I take my camera with my everywhere
2. I enjoy some time alone lately.
3. I quote from movies and songs if I find it fitting to the situation (Deuce,
T. ! ^^)

15. If you'd die right now, what would be your last words ?
If it would be a slow death, I prolly call all important people to tell them
that I love them (and unimportant people that I'm sorry for them being such
asses...hihi.)
In case of a fast death I would quote something from a movie or song. It
depends on the situation.

don't wonder

2006-05-22T23:26:00.000+02:00

...if I'm kinda offline for the next days. I know, I won't keep my promise for long but just in case you were wondering : I'm trying to trick the [panic mode] and learn for my PART II of my exams which will take place on 20th of june.

Things I noticed today :

1. the original score of "the da vinci code" is one great piece of music ! Although the movie sucks. ;)
2. I am the master of interpretation.
3. I have clicks on my blog from people all over the world. COOLNESS ! :)
4. Should I or should I not ?
5. It just can't be possible that I miss "Anouk" at Rock im Park, just because I can't take a day off !!!! GNARRRRR (Lordi scream) !

murmel

nightminds

2006-05-21T01:12:00.000+02:00

Around midnight I start to think about stupid stuff and I have these strange wantings, like

1. tons of candy ! RIGHT NOW! No ! Vegetables ! Pizza ! Arggh.
2. inspiration !
3. why are all cute girls so damn stupid ?
4. my ear feels sore
5. I don't want to go to work on Monday. Any good suggestions for taking the day off ?
6. Being helpless sucks.
7. I gotta start to learn for my exams tomorrow. Bah !
8. Nobody cares.
9. Blankness finds its way to every creative brain.
10. poof !

*dang*

murmel

blasphemous rumours

2006-05-20T14:27:00.000+02:00

[Paul Bettany in "the da vinci code" as "Silas"]

--> anouk . margarita chum (acoustic)

Back from the movies, I saw "the da vinci code". I'm a bit blank and disappointed about the end product of such a good book.
And I guess I don't have the right touch for good movies lately. Either they're more confusing than I felt before or they just happen to be so bad I almost get angry about the waste of money.
The actors were not well casted, although you know people like Tom Hanks and Audrey Toutou from great movies. Even the second row sounded wonderful in a film freaks ear : Ian McKellen, Alfred Molina, Jean Reno, Juergen Prochnow.
But they seemed like they were construction workers in a lunch break, randomly walking around in front of the camera. Almost out of place. Paul Bettany as "Silas" was the only actor that really left me stunned. He played an albino monk who murders people in the name of bishop Aringarosa. He truly brought out the suffering and the inner fights that Silas fights throughout the whole movie. Very good and authentic !

At least I saw some class mates again. And I almost laughed my ass off, when my "heartbroken-club-member" and good friend J. always whispered "oh my god!" when something exciting happened. A blonde woman on the row before us always turned around and gave us "THE LOOK!" but J.'s new bf and I just giggled our asses off and thought about talking loud about the end of the movie. It was hilarious. And although I worked today and I'm tired like hell, I'm happy. Not the best movie I've ever seen, but the longest (148 Minutes ! Wohoo!) . And I saw some of my best friends.

Life can be soothing in the most unexpected moments.

murmel

PS : k80, thanks for the good song tip. I listened to depeche mode on my way to the movies and this line totally got me and fitted somehow very good to the movie :

"I dont want to start any blasphemous rumours
But I think that gods got a sick sense of humor
And when I die I expect to find him laughing.."

depeche mode . blasphemous rumours

X

2006-05-17T19:33:00.000+02:00

--> david gray . disappearing world

I'm in a weird mood after "X". To start off : It all went fine.

It wasn't the best mark, and this kinda makes it hard to deal with, cause I know I can to better. But in september no one will care if I graduated with a good or bad mark.
I will continue my education. That's a good sign. I don't worry about the theoretical part which takes place on 20th, june. So now I feel like my soul is able to breathe after weeks.

And although I should be happy I'm in a contemplative mood. Thinking about life and its turns, friends I miss and people that are gone for a long time. And there are a few lines that won't get rid of the ceiling. Somehow music always finds its way into my heart and helps me carry on. Burning song lines in my head. Like these :

According to the fridge and the bob thing I found an interesting line in a song

"...this is the last time I'll abandon you
and this is the last time I'll forget you
I wish I could..."

muse, "stockholme syndrome"

According to everything I struggled with the last few weeks :

"...I can laugh about it,
or I can cry about it,
I should ignore the words you say.
‘Cause they can hurt,
but won’t kill me
They can hurt,
but won’t kill me"

racoon . laugh about it

"So I held my head up high
hiding hate that burns inside
Which only fuels there selfish pride
We're all held captive out from the sun
A sun that shines on only some
We the meek are all in one.."

creed . my own prison

I actually didn't want to quote myself cause it looks cocky , but I feel like it. The final line is so fitting for me it almost makes me laugh.

"Can you help me ? I am falling for you."

calzone and x

2006-05-14T23:44:00.000+02:00

--> kelly clarkson . because of you

Sooo, folks. Tomorrow and Tuesday will decide about my future life
(I like drama, for the ones that read this the first time).

But before my verbal and psychic execution by people who don't want me to be a good kindergarten teacher I went to a nice dinner with my parents and sisters and their boyfriends.
And guess what I ate (I picked on someone before that I will) :

YES ! This is a "Calzone", an italian specialty. And it indeed was delicious.
The evening was nice as well, especially to see my sisters again. I really enjoy being with them.

And still I couldn't stop thinking of tomorrow and everything that will fall down on me if I don't pass it.
I guess, the things that make me afraid are the questions
"what if ?"

But I gotta stop thinking about the days "X", how I called them.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

murmel

just to not let you think I'm depressed...

2006-05-08T22:54:00.000+02:00

--> wunder . was hält uns wach

I found a funny questionary from my DEAR friend piccadilly (http://www.blogigo.de/piccadilly)
and thought I'll do it before the REAL work is about to be done (cause I have an important day on thursday and I don't know when I'll blog the next time).

first name: "murmel" ;)
age: 19
hometown: Eschau a.k.a. "no-name-village"
What do you do in real life? chasing kids through the garden and screaming like an idiot if they hit each other ^^
how did find out about blogger.com? I saw some other i-net friends of mine blogging here and I liked the design.
What should all people know about you? I'm NOT shallow. ;)
What do you want to do before you die? Publish a record.
With whom would you want to swap? Just for one day : Robbie Williams. I mean, look how many girls he gets !!
If you could retract something in your life - what would it be? Maybe do another job or school education.
Is there a person you would rather not get to know? Every encounter has its own quality. I try to take the best out of it - even if it was a hurtful time with that person.
When will you move to Berlin? There are more attractive cities I believe. But hey : I'm going to go there in September, maybe I will change my opinion.
Do you dance or rather stand in the corner? Depends on the people around me. *gg* No, I love to dance. No matter how bad I am.
Why are you glad to be a boy/girl? Huhm, I'm glad to not have a tent in my pants almost every morning.
Which book / movie should EVERYONE know?
book: "der vorleser" from bernhard schlink or "vollidiot" from tommy jaud.
movie: "pulp fiction" and "life of brian"
Song: "all" by K's choice
What is your special ability that NO ONE else has? I'm pretty talented in dealing with technical things. And singing. But I guess everyone can sing a bit.
How's your love life? It's strolling around the park, waiting for someone to drop by and talk a walk with it.
How's your family? Mom is worried about me (like always) but she's fine. Dad is working like a maniac, but in a healthy dosis. PJ is having a hard time with her health and Stef is also fine, supportive like always.
When is it over? When it's over.

~ Fin ~

PS : You're warmly welcome to spread this questionary around and write in the comments area your blog link. I'd like to know interesting things about i-net people that read my blog and DON'T COMMENT! ;)

Michael Schumacher hoovers and thoughts that disturb

2006-05-08T22:28:00.000+02:00

the verve . the drugs don't work (acoustic)

The day started strange and will end strange. In the morning I came to work, colleagues acted like nothing happened - "ok", I mumbled to myself - I don't need another argue. I'm fine. Worked my butt off and tried to show engagement (cause some unnamed people claim that I'm NOT motivated). And I cleaned the carpet with an interesting hoover :

{michael schumacher "special edition"}

Coming back home I found my dad still working on the football goal. I decided to distract myself a bit by helping him and I couldn't help but giggle. Sadly, I have no picture of me - removing the rust off the pipes - but I felt like a real les. The feeling was kinda diverse, always changing between sarcasm and hysteria but I'll let you know if it changes in one clear direction.

My aunt dropped by to read the newspaper and get updated cause they don't have one. I found an announcement of a young man who died - he was barely one year older than me. I heard the name before and surfing through the net I found out that a friend of mine knows his band mate. Ok, that's very vague and I actually didn't know him in person but I feel so sorry I can't explain it. He died of a vicious disease - cancer. And at the moment it seems like the atomic threats are nothing against cancer, that's spreading like a gourge over humankind.
If I'd want to be cynical I'd say that there's no real reason to fire the missiles. We'll distroy ourselves within 100 years of dieing on diseases we've breeded by pumping poison in the rivers, blowing gas into the atmosphere and seeding hate between the races.

As if this disturbing thoughts wouldn't be enough : I can't get a single song done ! Or even a good lyric. Don't try to understand it - it's my personal everday deluxe suffering - as if I hadn't enough at the time.

murmel

change goals - move on

2006-05-05T23:11:00.000+02:00

--> anouk . in the sand (acoustic)

[my old "fake" chucks - ready for the garbage]

So, this is the day after day "X". I have no real urge to fold every single detail up but it was horrible. A true low point in my life so far, cause if I don't manage it to pass this exam the last two years of education are worthless.

But instead of closing the curtains and remain apathic I went out and enjoyed the wonderful weather and the sun that seemed to fondle my tortured mind. It sounds corny, but this was the EXACT feeling I had today.

I literally built a goal. My dad reconstructed my old football goal he built for me and my buddies when we were kids. I don't know WHY he felt the need to reconstruct it - nobody of the old buddies played football on this meadow since forever - but he felt like it and I felt like helping him. So we both started to pull out the screws, brazed the pipes for the new goal - it was like a flashback to childhood.

In general this day was about reflection and looking back to understand the future. But the feeling of "the good times' gone" still hurts somehow.

And even if they're nerve-racking at times when I can't need it, tell me how to do things I'm able to do (cause I'm grown..haha!) I love them to death. Everyone of them.

This next 3 months are going to be like hell but there's water in range. And that feels good.

murmel

welcome to the club

2006-05-04T21:32:00.000+02:00

You know the point, when you can't get lower. I think this is it.

"Erupt again another pill
And I won’t let it show
Sacrifice the tortures
Orchestral tear cash-flow

Increase delete escape defeat
It’s all that matters to you
Cotton case for an iron pill
Distorted eyes
When everything is clearly dying

Burn my knees and
Burn my knees and
Burn my knees and
E-motion sickness
Addict with no heroine
E-motion sickness
Distorted eyes
When everything is clearly dying

Burn my knees and
Burn my knees and pray
Burn my knees and
Burn my knees and pray
[all my friends say]
Get up get up get up get up
Get up get up get up
Won’t you stop my pain

Emotion sickness
[to idle with an idol]
Addict with no heroine
Good things will pass
It helps with excess access
Lessons learnt

Emotion sickness
[lost no friendship]
[corrosive head pollution]
Lessons learnt

silverchair . emotion sickness

Fight back

2006-05-02T18:51:00.000+02:00

broken window on our neighbors barn

--> tool . jambi

Some things will never change. If it's about long-lasting friendships, rituals or emotions it can even be good this way - but finding yourself always being spyed, not trusted in or simply unable to move out of the situation it's pretty tough.

Today the feeling of helplessness arose inside again. I thought I was settled in my work, selfconfident and ready for the exam...since my boss told me that she and my working mates want to "talk" to me on thursday. And I totally know what will happen : They'll bash me like I'm the only one to blame - pretending that criticism will help me to "grow" in my work.

I used to ignore people who were trying to put me down - but now I can't. I have to work with them and they'll have a major part in marking me.

And I just hope I'll have the right arguments to say the will to fight back. Because I AM NOT a punching ball and I like my work. And NOBODY can take this from me. Not even working-mates that act nice in front of me and then put me down...

dang

2006-05-01T21:17:00.000+02:00

To be honest : I'm not pretty motivated to sum up all the things I did on the weekend. So, I thought of putting on a few impressions, cause I also took shitloads of photographs.

Enjoy !

me and the questionary

2006-04-28T18:58:00.000+02:00

[pens in the classroom]

--> depeche mode . personal jesus (acoustic)

We have a kinda love-hate relationship. But on the other side I can't stop to do them. Thanks to picca and soulmate for this.

Grab the book that lies the closest to you and quote page 18, line 4
"Noch lebt", rief er dazwischen, "es hätte erst gar nicht so weit kommen dürfen. Abstürzen hätte er können." ("Vorstadtkrokodile", Max von der Grün)

Stretch out your left arm the farest it gets - what do you find ?
my guitar amp

What was the last show you've seen on TV ?
Football, UEFA Championship, FC Sevilla - FC Schalke 04 (1:0)

Besides your computer - what else do you hear ?
I hear my winamp that plays now "in our gun" by Gomez and the traffic noises outside.

What did you do the last step outside ?
About half an hour ago when I go out of the car to go into the house.

What did you do before you did this questionary ?
I've been to my sisters place and rehearsed with her and my other sis for the wedding of my cousin that will take place july.

What are you wearing ?
Jeans (used and trashed look), a "dredg" t-shirt and black socks.

What did you dream last night ?
I don't remember.

When did you laugh the last time ?
Today in school.

What kinda things are on your walls ?
Bandposters, some notices, kids pictures and a cd rack.

Have you seen something suspicious lately ?
This wasn't disturbing or suspicious, but it amused me :

What do you think about this questionary ?
When will the good questions appear ? ;)

What was the last movie you've seen ?
Dirty Dancing. Yesterday. Because SOMEONE forced me to do so. :p *gg*

What would you buy if you'd be a millionaire ?
Houses for my family members and myself. And I'd donate a lot for projects everywhere in the world.

Tell me something I didn't know about you :
Somethings aren't meant to see the light of day. ^^

If you could change one thing - what would it be ?
Peace.

Do you enjoy dancing ?
Yeah, but I'm not Patrick Swayze if you know what I mean. I enjoy it very much. But most of the time I have friends around who blame themselves with me, so it's not THAT bad.

George Bush
My bush would give a better president ! You stole my sentence picca ! But it's true and although I don't know Jill Sobule that much, her assistant rocks (she wore a t-shirt with that sentence).

Imagine you'd have a little girl - what would be her name ?
Marie.

And if it was a boy ?
Humm..I like Lukas a lot. But every boy is named Lukas or Kevin these days. So I'll probably go for Robert. Don't laugh, I really like that name ! And pronounced in German !

Are you considering to move abroad ?
Yes, I dream about having a little house somewhere in Ireland. Some sweet it'll happen, I hope.

What would you say if you're standing in front of god on the heavens gates ?
Hey, is it true that you REALLY hate lesbians ?

"and don't tell me you don't have a life ... !"

2006-04-27T18:21:00.000+02:00

[sitting on the train early in the morning on my way to school]

Some sentences are just too ironic to be taken serious. That one above was a quote from my classmate, partner in crime and "we're the broken-hearted" club member J. considering my plans for the year and the places I'm going to. I mean, of course it's LIKE holiday when you disappear for some days and have a good time, real good adventures in some city - but in the end you come back home and nothing's changed. You're still in love with a girl you can't have, you're parents tell you how to live and you don't have any deadbeat arguments and so that's life. Like it's always been.

But maybe it's the fly on the wall that changes your mind or a wonderful song that encourages you to finally step outta the door and smell the roses...or something else. Some people need a kiss, others need a song, others need to be kicked in the ass. And somehow we're all sifting together through our lifelessness and that's why are some connections are so strong and friendship built out of nothing. Of course it's a difference if you COULD change something or you cannot. I think there's always a chance to do so if you're unsatisfied with the sleepwalking you go through.

And I'd rather have a happy friend who found his/her peace and freedom somewhere far away than a friend far away who suffers like hell and I can't do anything about it.

murmel

suffering on a higher level

2006-04-24T22:44:00.000+02:00

--> matchbox 20.bent

Call me crazy or retarded. I couldn't resist : I sent her an sms. It just kills me that I don't know how she is.

I cheated myself. I wanted to be strong. Don't give too much cause I surly wouldn't get anything back.

I'm a mess these days. And looking around I see that others aren't better. Is this the new depression or just suffering on a higher level ? Who could've known that I feel only alive when I suffer like an idiot.

"Can you help me, I'm bent - I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together
keep breaking me in and this is how we will end
with you and me bent"
matchbox 20.bent

Life is a U-Turn - or : Sarah Bettens in Munich, 21st of April

2006-04-22T16:26:00.000+02:00

---> Dover . the weak hour of the rooster

So, this is the personal review of the Sarah Bettens concert. And honestly, I can't review it as a blank concert. Many things happened. Good and less good. Mostly less good. At some point I wished I could leave out personal stuff but I'm human so it goes along with it.

I wanted to be brave, self-concious and strong. Show her that I'm fine. But then *dang* the arose inside. A dangerous mix of anger, pain, emptyness. And the crack in my heart popped up again. A wound, so well taken care of by so many people in the meantime.

"But the heart controls the head - that's why I turned around."

Mistake. She seemed so balanced, just fine. Then Sarah played "tired" , I turned around - that is a song we both love. Our eyes cross - for a tiny second - and I know she's not fine. Something in my stomach hurts. Maybe it's the long e-mails, the chat sessions, the phonecalls or just her deep blue eyes that look so lonely. Almost lost. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking and she's just really "tired" from the long journey.

"I gotta stop thinking!", I mumble to myself in mind.

In the few minutes I manage it I find myself really enjoying the concert. The support band - "Ron Flieger" - is a post-punk depressionist in a grey suit.

[ron.flieger]

He looks like he's broke, unhappy and angry. But maybe that's the special note that gives his appearance a certain sympathy. And it makes me move my feet. Especially the song "Lauf" is a good one. He's polite, introduces his band and thanks Sarah and the crew. I pick a sticker for my car. His album is called "anders wohl kaum". Check it out (even if you're from abroad..;) !

I'm still fighting with saying "Hey, do you remember when we talked about GREY in your car?" but instead I grab myself a glass of water and drink it so fast that some people might think the destiny of the world depends on my water consum. I talk to an old friend I met before the concert. Her new boyfriend got her the ticket. He's from the UK, very nice and calm. Talks about his ex-wife with a low voice - she left him after a 29-year marriage - for a woman. I can't help but laugh a bit and she tells me that she ordered all K's choice LPs after I sent her a mix cd with some songs. For the first time on this evening I'm proud of myself and I type her new adress in Munich in my mobile. She truly is one of gods better people. Never thought I'd say that.

I watch the rest of the concert from a distance and Sarah is a true rockstar on stage.

[sarah bettens]

Especially in the quiet moments when she plays "the soldier song" and "grey". At least one person in the room is fine. I'm happy for her. Really. And even if I can't be totally happy tonight - I'll take an "ok" feeling with me after we leave the Elserhalle. Confusion never ends. That's no news. But instead of washing dirty laundry I refer to Katharina who wrote :

"K's choice connects - too much Sarah seperates."

Things I learned this weekend :

--> the best people are just a chat away and drive blue and red cars
--> being "ANTI" feels good
--> U-Turns are necessary - not only on the streets
--> some clichés never change
--> serenity should be a pill
--> men aren't "THE ENEMY"
--> "People are like seasons" (-> Sophia was right!)
--> dialects can be amusing ("WOT?")
--> music is power

and

"..somehow in this twisted world I'm really doing fine.."

ready to hit the streets

2006-04-19T19:04:00.000+02:00

[snapshot . 18th april 2006]

--> imogen heap . sweet religion

Soooo : What's up the next days ? It's just the best feeling to know you'll be surrounded by music in all possible ways. Tomorrow we'll perform in the Colos-Saal, which is one of my dream locations since I went out in that liveclub where I saw bands like

- Nickelback
- 3 doors down
- Dredg (what a concert!)

On Friday I'll be seeing the wonderful Sarah Bettens, former singer of the even better K's choice live in Munich.
I hope she plays some K's choice songs and my favourite song from her solo stuff : "grey". It's kinda depressing but true and mostly beautiful. That's why.
A little review with photos and shtuff will be on the ULTIMATIVE MUSIC BLOG on the web. ;)
The Link is http://ofgeniussounds.blogspot.com
A more personal review of these days will be on here, of course.

And I'll have a visitor ! *winks to Katharina*

God, sometimes life can rock !

Bones, sinking like stones
all that we fought for
homes, places we've grown
all of this are done for
We live in a beautiful world
yeah we do, yeah we do

coldplay.don't panic

I know...

2006-04-18T21:02:00.000+02:00

--> thomas d. : gebet an den planet

I sometimes write a lot of crap, but feel free to comment. It's also possible for non-registered users.

So : Whether positive or negative ! I welcome every comment. :)

greetings
murmel

Just a side note

2006-04-18T15:18:00.000+02:00

--> incubus . make yourself

1. I hate Hackers !
2. I hate my silentrevolution.de Provider !
3. I still need to buy a few gifts for Friday and all the good people that take care of me - but I have no money !
4. I need to get my ass up for a test next week, but I'm not motivated at all.
5. I should go for a walk
6. or drive to some defeaning music in my car.

see you later

murmel

If I hadn't made me, I'd have fallen apart by now
I won't let them make me, It's more than I can allow
So when I make me, I won't be paper mache

sleep for days

2006-04-17T21:09:00.000+02:00

where's the balance in the things that get out of control ?
need to make some more sleep for about 100 years or so ?
does the night sky change when people are drooling on their pillows ?
when was the last time you listened to the snow fall ?

I want to sleep for days
forget about the things that have been bothering me lately
come on, sing a lullaby for change
tomorrow I'll wake up with the assurance that you saved me
again

"worser schtuff is also feasible!"

2006-04-16T14:33:00.000+02:00

--> hush . if you go breaking my heart

Pfiew, what a weekend. What a easter ... or not. Hardly got anything of it except the altar servers running around with their flappers and screaming through the streets instead of the church bells.

Instead of runnin to church I got two people visiting me. Let me introduce :

Ze Mel - also known as Genius
from : Libercourt - France (where the real revolution is ! ;) )
Got here by : car ("the blue lightning")
favourite words : ai ! (you were right Liza, all french speaking people cry like that when they get hurt - I tried!) , noway! and mostly "feasible"
brought with her : a delicious cake and a quarter of her dvd collection (which is still huge)

2nd :

ze freggälschään - also known as Mareike
originally from Langerwehe but the rest of the year from Eberswalde (Berlin) - Germany (where the birdflu is ! *laugh*)
Got here by : car (with the blue lightning)
favourite words : "worser", "haha-no"
brought with her : ze well entertained mel

and last but not least :

ze murmel - also known as Kathrin
from ze living room (where the magic happens *muahaha*) , Sommerau - Germany
got here by : myself
favourite words : "schtuff" (a crossing between stuff and shit) and mostly "tch!"
brought with her : food and drinks for the guests

Now imagine two silent people sitting next to me. It almost killed me that they sat there and didn't talk for MINUTES ! I had to entertain them but after a while I kinda freaked out in a funny way and said : "DO SOMETHING!" So we did and watched the movie "Constantine". And as if that wasn't enough Mel entertained us with her demon-slayer activities where even the bravest person would get scared.

On Saturday we got to the big city to look for a camera. AND GUESS WHAT ! I found one !

Small, easy to use and cheap. MEINS !

As you might have noticed all of us developed some word fetishs over this days. I dunno even why but it was funny. And even I was entertained !

And although it was wonderful to have good friends around I'm still tired like hell and somehow happy that I have the room for myself again. No offense there. Just human behaviour. Forgive me honeypie and freggälschään. It was a great pleasure to see you two again and have at least 2 groupies. ;)

And oh : Happy Easter to all of you !

the function of memory

2006-04-11T22:42:00.000+02:00

[TeXeL 2004 . feet in the sand]

-> nirvana.about a girl [unplugged] ("This is a song off our first record. Most people dunno it.")

Working myself into coma, finding it hard to sleep. Songs torment my brain, lines always keep on returning and I try to find a sense between the lines. And most creepy thing is that memories of a friend (songs, moods..) were following me the whole weekend and yesterday I read that she's having a hard time. And the worst thing is : I can't reach her. Not by phone and not online. But at least my intuition is a good thing.
Maybe some of you know the "Chart" that Alice sets up in the show "the L-Word" ? In her case it's about relationships and their connection in the lesbian/bi scene.
I could draw you a chart-like spiderweb that stretches over the walls of my living room with just 5 people and all sorts of memories of them. It's hard to find nothing that reminds me of no one. Most of the time it's funny to recognize how drawn I'm to some friends but now it's nerve-racking. Especially when you know you can't actually help the friend in a hard situation. But hey, I don't wanna seem like I have superpower I'm afraid of. The ability of having a huge memory always helped me.

Maybe the upcoming days will help me to get clear again. I hope.

what means "walk the line" ???

2006-04-09T19:40:00.000+02:00

That's what mom asked me today when I told her from the movie I saw yesterday. I translated it, but I'm not quite sure what the true meaning of these words IS actually to me.

Looking back on this movie I think it's about finding the line you want to walk onto. Johnny Cash had a hard time finding it and somehow his future wife June Carter saved his life by loving him and understanding him. I like the romantic idea of life-saving love, but at the moment I'm pretty nihilistic to all of these things. Btw, the movie was a good one - you just have to gasp at Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon singing with their own voices and doing such a good job. But I'd like to give the oscar to Joaquin, cause he just made me believe it's a real-life documentary and not a melodram.

Had an argue about religion the other day again. With mom. She just doesn't get the fact that I don't have a good relation to the issues "God" and "Church" at the moment. I mean, would you go as a cat into a cage full of dogs, hoping they won't kill you cause they're so distracted by the food ? ? ?
My position as a homosexual is not well seen in the church. Obviously I'm a pervert, sinner and whatnot. I don't give a fuck. But I hate to wear my pretty suburbian school girl mask and act like a nun in front of all these people and walk into a house that's been declared as a forbidden zone for me from some old grumpy men in Rome.

I deeply respect everyone who truly celebrates his/hers beliefs to find a deeper sense in life. That's what we all somehow do - and me, too.

But some people just don't get the point. And this issue is always returning, like a boomerang or smth. I'm just tired of it. And that's what "walk the line" means to me : Be true to yourself, overcoming all stones, thrown into your way and live life, love and give love to others. No matter in what you believe in.

murmel

the bigger sister saved my eve

2006-04-08T20:06:00.000+02:00

That's the movie I'm going to see tonight. Lucky, cause my sis visited us because my cousins wedding. I love coincidences. So, we go and see "walk the line" (finally, cause I wanted to see that since 3 months) - Stef, her bf and me. Review and thoughts later that evening. For all people who are online - I'm in a chat mood - so put on your messengers by 11:30pm, if you want.

murmel

push some things aside

2006-04-07T22:38:00.000+02:00

[visual fossile , found on my hard drive - entitled "fingers on the mirror"]

Maybe you know that : You push things aside and hide them under the rug to not to take them or solve the problem.
I'm actually glad that my boss and I didn't talk about my activity I did on thursday, cause otherwise I would've thought about it the whole weekend.
So : WEEKEEEND !

And maybe I have to learn to not take too much things seriously and let them come close to me. That saves many nerves and gives strength for harder times.

So, yeah the gig with "silent revolution" is over and we played with "Crayfish" (as mentioned above). They were really nice and stuff, but it all seemed so ready for the business it almost made me smile a little bit. Their manager told me for who he worked for and where "the guys" (as he called them) will play and first I thought "Wow. 12.000 people. Teen Magazine." but then I had a relieving thought and leaned back in my mind. And I thought : "Great. But not my world."

I don't care whether there are 5 or 500 people in a club where we play. As long as some of them understand what me and Sascha want to transport and say with our music I'm happy.
And out of 50 there will be at least 3 people that stick with us at our gigs and so the cycle rolls. Slowly, but it rolls. And since yesterday I'm so happy I have the controls over it that I could jump in the air and clap my hands like an idiot. *grins*

Couldn't help it - a song popped up in my head and never left my side on that whole evening :

" Beware, beware
They're on their way
They're getting closer every day
But I'm prepared
I'm sure some common sense will
Blow them all away
They like your band
They shake your hand
They smell like food that has gone bad
Today it's you
Today will pass
I'm so sick of all this trash..."

K's choice . my record company

How fitting, don't you think ?

A nice weekend to all of you !

And picca : Thanks for the lyrics. I actually start to like Oasis. But "BLOASIS" still rules. ;)
Funny that now in this very moment "jovanotti" performs on HR "mi fido di te". I do, btw. ^^

murmel

could be worse

2006-04-04T23:36:00.000+02:00

You know that days when you just zoom out the bad things and let the good times roll ? Sometimes it's necessary to do so - many people would've gone nuts instead and many people would've get killed brutally otherwise. ;)

So again : A slow day at work, working mates seem kinda stressed and I still feel spyed for some strange reason (I guess it's just a psychological trick to push me to my limits...which limits ? HAHAHA !) but I let the good times roll. Sascha was late for the band rehearsal but I didn't even mind. Earlier this year I would've gone almost insane and angry about it. But hey : That's the way he is and I had the opportunity to finish my dinner, so it fitted superb. We listened to the recordings we did a week ago and rehearsed for Thursday, where we're about to perform with the band Crayfish (if you want to take a look : www.cray-fish.de).
It's gonna be all acoustic (like usual) and I think it's going to be cool. I mailed with one of the "crayfish" guys and they're very nice and interested. So : Thumbs up for them ! Even if we haven't heard them.
Got to talk to some people about some new band projects, but I don't want to tell anything before we haven't met, so : Stay tuned on my super star shiny and crazy blog.

And don't forget : Let the good times roll !

*swoooshes off*

PS : For all people who join me for the Southside Festival - OUR TICKETS ARRIVED ! ^^

new and shiny

2006-04-03T23:20:00.000+02:00

How do you think it looks like ?

Mel was so genuine and helped me out with the whole html thingie. Thanks again for our long "talk" , btw. ;)

My day pretty much consisted of sleeping, eating, sleeping and phoning. That's pretty sad you might think, but I'm just glad this day's over and there's much time passing til I have my favourite moments and events.

Still to come ... :

15th - 17th of April : Visit of the wonderful and geeky, beloved groom (*g*) also known as Mel, a.k.a. the almighty oracle (or did you want to come on Friday ?)
-> maybe we have another crazy bavarian coming also, but she's still meditating about it. RIGHT ? *threatens you with a pencil* ^^

2oth of April : silent revolution performing at the "COLOS-SAAL" in Aschaffenburg (which is my favourite club, btw) with all close friends and Katharina - how could I forget you ! *puppy eyes*

21st of April : Katharina and me getting picked up by "baba" and her friend to pick up Mike in Nuremberg to drive to Munich to SEE the wonderful

SARAH BETTENS - LIVE ! :D

I'm soo looking forward to that !

And I'll burn that cd for a friend and then : GO TO BED ! HAHA, how hard to guess !

Have a nice night and don't hug your pillow to tight ! ;)

murmel

What if there is ... ?

2006-04-02T03:30:00.000+02:00

click to enlarge

["proving the existence of god" - found when I googled for the word "god" on www.google.de]

--> arctic monkeys . I bet you look good on the dancefloor (in my head)

Came home from a nice evening with piccadilly and N., a friend from Cologne who visited her and of course me. We went out to watch the movie "stay" with Ewan McGregor, Ryan Gosling and Naomi Watts *drool*. ;)
It was quite confusing - especially for the end - but I like movies that leave you behind with many questions and hidden answers. This movie was like a good song : Actually the lyrics are quite easy to understand but in the end everyone has his own interpretation about it. Anyway : It was quite good, so - go and see it ! And if you're not convinced yet : NAOMI WATTS ! ! ! What else do you need ? *grins*

Afterwards we got in our favourite club to dance total insane to our favourite music. It was a nice evening and a very good relax for the last weeks that just have been strange - in many ways.

Now I'm at home and I read in the K's choice Forum a debate about religion and the "evil church" that pulls the taxes of the Atheists pockets. *.*
It just seems estranged to me that mostly people who just know shit of religion or the feeling of it are the most angry and aggressive ones about it. And that's why I think about the whole issue now a bit.
I mean, some people might think I don't believe in god. But I do. I mean, I was raised catholic and I still attend to some stuff that's going on (for example I'm happy to see my only male cousin in the whole kin, on the mothers side getting married) and I like the songs that they sing, but I don't feel the urge to go to church EVERY sunday.
And for me, belief is something really basic and true and beautiful. And it's important to believe in SOMETHING. If it's just a good song, a wonderful friendship, love, hope, peace and whatnot or one of the gods - it doesn't matter ! At least you believe in something.
When I see those people grumbling about religion and the "exploitation" I just gotta laugh. Cause these people seem to have a problem with themselves.
If you can't accept others opinions and beliefs - how can you get along with yourself without questioning everything that you do ?
What if there IS something, someone above that watches us all ? What if there are no coincidences ?
If you've never asked yourself that question you probably missed some of the most important things in life. No matter if you decided that your personal opinion is "no". At least you should know.

murmel

can I get a "yeah!" ???

2006-03-31T17:56:00.000+02:00

Weekend ! Despite and hide the fact that I actually have shitloads of things to do for work, it's still weekend ! And for this opportunity I stole a cool game from Joh (http://littlejoh.livejournal.com/)

Lets call it "the winamp game"

Rules: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play.Use the song titles that come up to answer each question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see me?
the tea party . the bazaar

Will I have a happy life?
tonic . if you could only see (acoustic)

What do people really think of me?
Mando Diao . Annie's angle

Do people secretly lust after me?
k's choice . to this day

How can I make myself happy?
the bates . billie jean (*lol*)

What should I do with my life?
Schubert . notre dame intermezzo (yeah, I have classical music on my hard disk!)

Will I ever have children?
del amitri . baby it's me (at least it has a "baby" in it! ;)

What is some good advice for me?
die fantastischen vier . troy

What do I think my current theme song is?
linda perry . in flight

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
stars . set yourself on fire

What song will play at my funeral?
National Philaharmonic Orchestra & Nigel Kennedy . thais meditation

What type of men/women do you like?
ani difranco . the whole night

What is my day going to be like?
k's choice . hide (live)

Why am I here?
beatsteaks . filter

What will people remember me for?
nick drake . time has told me

What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?
manu chao . me gustas tu

Are there people outside waiting to take me away?
amy ray . put it out for good

What will this year be all about?
katie melua . my aphrodisiac is you

weak and powerless

2006-03-30T22:15:00.000+02:00

[taken from www.letterjames.de]

oo-> cassandra wilson - wind cries mary (20th time on repeat, I guess..)

Do you know that ? Absolute emptyness in your head, not able to face a clear thought. Just trying to numb yourself with music and gazing around into the nothing.
The Nothing that pulls on you until become nothing.

I stopped caring about friends. Working for people that already gave me up. Actually it's crap. But I can't be happy about anything lately. Some people do their best to hold me up (you know who you are - thanks for your neverending patience). At least this makes me feel.

Yesterday someone said "I love you" and meant it. I mean, it wasn't a romantic "I love you", more in a sister way. But I can't describe how good and soothing it felt in this very moment. And the more I'm afraid to lose this person.

3rd Sister, I love you, too. Please never leave me. Otherwise I'd die.

Mel - thanks for never leaving my side, no matter how shitty I feel or am. Something deeper than love connects us and I hope it'll never fade.

L. - I hope we'll find time for our hilarious and always wonderful phone calls again. I miss it.

k80 - I hope everything turns out right for our meeting. And I'm sure your as wonderful in reality as you are in the chats.

Have a nice end of week and a even better weekend

murmel

Because...

2006-03-28T17:59:00.000+02:00

the simpsons aren't on at 6pm and I'm bored, I've done this. Try it, too it's funny to find out things about your friends. ^^

1. My friend once: tried to hook me up with a boy but I never told her that I'm not into guys *muahaha*

2. Never in my life have I: masturbated in public (some people do ! Believe it or not !)

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always make me smile is: Liesa

4. High School is: neverending!

5. When I'm nervous: I talk bad jokes and dither around

6. The last time I cried was: when I watched "the l-word" and saw Dana dying

7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: Mel, Ms. Pot, Sascha and Oli

8. My hair: short again - but looks better with gel in it.

9. My feet are: clothed with socks - black socks.

10. When I was 5: I used to pack my bag with stuffed animals, said I'd move to new-zealand, ran around in the garden and returned after 20 mins.

11. Last Christmas I: had a fight with my mum about celebrating religious things or not.

12. When I turn my head left, i see: a "matrix" poster on my wall and my electric guitar.

13. When I turn my head right, i see: my radiator and my living room window, whose shelf is decorated by a rubber brain in a glass, photos from the southside festival, a candle and pens.

14. When I look down I see: my green "lazy" pants I just put on after coming home from work.

15. The craziest recent event was: The concert I played on last saturday AND the last epidsode of "the l-word".

16. If I was a character on 'Friends' I'd be: Phoebe. Totally !

17. By this time next year: I hope I will be somewhere else !

19. I have a hard time understanding: myself and women.

20. One time at a family gathering: my uncle and my aunt came disguised as the prince and snow-white - a bit drunk - and my uncle sang 2 hrs later "highway to hell".

21. You know I "like" you if: I play my most personal songs to you.

22. If I won an award, the first person (people) I'd thank first is: my family, my friends, my band and K's choice for inspiring me so much.

23. Take my advice: "Most girls are straight - until they're not!"

24. My ideal breakfast is: healthy stuff mixed with fat stuffed donuts in my living room when the sun rays are falling through the window to warm me up.

25. If you visit my hometown: don't think the world ends. Altough it may seem like it does.

26. Who do you plan to visit anytime soon: Oli, to go with him to the "musikmesse" to Frankfurt.

27. THERE IS NO: bigger fear than the fear itself.

28. I'd stop my wedding if: The groom ran away (haha!)

29. The world could do without: racists, incapable politicians, homophobic jerks

30. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: go to a tokio hotel concert

31. Most recent thing you've bought yourself: something really plain. I think it was blank cds.

32. Most recent thing someone else bought you: Soap. *lol*

33. My favorite time of day is: Night

34. My favorite store is: Guitarplace, Echobeat and Musikservice

35. My ringtone is: "clubbed to death" - rob D (from "the Matrix")

36. And by the way: with Karate I'll kick your ass ! Tenacious D just rocks. ^^

37. The last time I was high: I've never been high. If you mean music, it prolly was Nov. 28th, Colos-Saal, Aschaffenburg - Dredg.

38. The person who I last talked to told me: that she crisps up bread when dad returns and forgot my pizza.

39. I shouldn't have been: too hopeful

40. Once, at a bar/club: some guys hit on us by ordering beer for us. My sister sent it back. *lol*

41. Last night: I went to bed too late - but I had a song idea I had to fix up

42. There's this girl I know who: said four words and made me feel more secure and saved than I ever felt in my whole life.

43. There is this guy I know who: played with a broken leg percussions just to make music with my band.

44. A better name for me would be: Laberbacke.

45. If I ever go back to school I'll: do more to achieve the things I REALLY want.

46. My birthday: is usually a big event with friends from all possible corners of the world. But afterwards I always feel sad. Dunno why.

Thankful...

2006-03-26T13:12:00.000+02:00

--> ani difranco . blood in the boardroom

...for friends (no matter where they are or what they do)
...for an honest "thank you" when you think you're actually not helpful at all
...for a bright smile when you don't feel like smiling at all
...for wonderful talks in the most unexpected moments
...for the music

and

for all this is assuring me that I'm on my way. No matter how or when, but I am.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH !

2006-03-24T18:06:00.000+01:00

-oo> flyswatter . exit (on a very defeaning volume)

Things I got told today :

- I'm egoistic
- I don't care about the kids I work with and my working mates
- I only think about music and I'm not interested in my education

As you might imagine, I was totally shocked and confused about that. Just suck that line :

"To be honest : You're nerve-racking. You only cared about your good grade and didn't ask us how our weeks were going."

Thanks folks, nice weekend.

some things never change

2006-03-21T22:36:00.000+01:00

--> kelly clarkson . because of you

Some people never change. Some things never go a different way. Some days never end different. Some things are so predictable it almost hurts. Some cirlces are meant to be broken, but no one realises that they have their name because it never ends. Nothing ever happens.
No one ever changes, cause it's human nature to behave like that you found that you can survive in that state but not evolve.
There's an ocean full of pressure, pain, lonliness, confusion and anger that can't break free. Cause I always need to be the strong one. The one that listens, that's patient, sweet and caring. And sometimes I want to surrender. Just deeply floating on a different sphere where I'm so happy not to have to care anymore. Maybe in a different road, in a different house, in a different job, with a different life and a love that lets me believe that tomorrow is different that yesterday.

day-saving nonsense

2006-03-17T23:37:00.000+01:00

[legal laws, still in function . got them today in the english lesson]

-- > click to enlarge

--> john legend . stay with you

A crazy week is over. 2 tests, one death, two teeth less and still so many questions unsolved. But instead of thinking about them too much I will enjoy the weekend and smile of some funny US laws and people that are taking too much things too seriously.

Theme for this weekend : Do something that you really wanted to do or just make for your friends, family and mostly for yourself the best outta this !

Greetings
murmel

Life's a joke and then you die

2006-03-16T21:47:00.000+01:00

"Or will you keep on falling until you reach the ground?
Of your lonely mind will you ever find yourself again?
And will you keep on dying until you've finally found a better
place where you find you will not wake up again?"

missy higgins . falling

"Life's a joke and then you die"...this line just popped up in my head when my mum told me that a good friend of ours died today. He suffered a stroke. I mean, he was 65. But all his life he worked his butt off for other people, most of them didn't give him the respect he deserved. And now he's dead.
That's strange. He had a table tennis shop in our town and dad always went to him to test new stuff out and, sometimes drink a beer and talk about better times. I remember him as a kind, open-minded, funny and warm-hearted person. He was never greedy about the prize, cause he liked my dad. They were sports pals. And even if some people don't have such a big opinion about "sports pals", I can tell you : You can meet the best and the worst people there. E. was one of the good ones. FUCK !

R.I.P., dear Pal.

murmel

shiny little sleepworld

2006-03-14T21:09:00.000+01:00

--> ani difranco . work your way out

..that's where I want to be. Strange, I slept the whole weekend but I feel like I'm in for a week sleep or so.
I sat in class and fell asleep two times. Ok, it was way too late yesterday, but it can't be that hard to follow the class, right ?
I guess it's still the operation. I feel aguish, wired and mostly dead. But the problem is : I can't sleep. I gotta learn for the test. German test tomorrow. Ok, not that hard, it's one of my favourite subjects. But pedagogics on Friday..:s
It's like running on a treadmill for years and then you realise it's not the street you wanted to be on.
I think I have to focus on what's important and then go to bed.

For once.

murmel

Thoughts

2006-03-12T16:04:00.000+01:00

...brought to paper. A few days ago.

Some lines to remember

2006-03-11T14:05:00.000+01:00

[ Alice und Dana - "The L-Word" Quelle : www.thelwordonline.de ]

Staying at home sucks. And not being able to open your mouth, too. But now I got time to face other things. Mel was so sweet and sent me the whole discography of Ani Difranco (I started with "Ani Difranco" to not get lost ;), so I listened to it whilst driving with my dad to the doc again. Another doctor took care of me. Her accent sounded kinda eastern european and she was very nice, asking if I'm alright and if I have any questions. My cheeks are still swollen and if it doesn't stop on monday I'll have to take antibiotics. Makes me think of Alanis Morrisette. Good association, huh ?

So, what to do these days : I started to edit an "Alice and Dana" Video, two of my favourite characters of the "L-Word" with some music. If finished I'll put it on here of course. But only if you want. I don' t want to spam you with my obsessions. *grin*
I lend myself a DVD. "Code 46" with Tim Robbins. I hope it's good. Last time I got myself a DVD I had bad luck. "L.A. Crash" was very strange and not my type of movie. But as you can see : It doesn't matter if a movie got an oscar ! If it sucks, it just sucks.

And while laying around and have nothing better to do than to listen to some music I got a song stuck in my head, sleeping for a long time but more fitting than ever. I just love the Goo Goo Dolls, what can I say ?

goo goo dolls . sympathy

"Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don’t need
And what I chased won’t set me free
And I get scared
but I’m not crawlin’ on my knees
Oh, yeah Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don’t feel
I’m killing myself from the inside out
And now my head’s been filled with doubt

It's hard to lead the life you choose
When all your luck's ran out on you
And you can’t see
when all your dreams aren’t coming true

Oh, yeah It’s easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I’m not sure where I belong
And no where’s home and no more wrong

And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe
I was And I wouldn’t be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me

Stranger than your sympathy"

A nice weekend to all of you. And Liza : Nevermind the phone. I won't be able to talk, so just lemme know if you're online and then we can chat if you want.
murmel

I'm a legal alien

2006-03-10T20:23:00.000+01:00

Wohooo ! This looks creepy. My jaw is twice as big as my other one. Thank god, I have no cam ! ;)
Well, what can I say : It all went pretty good. But it's an Operation, so it hurts like one afterwards. I've been taking painkillers since this afternoon, but it doesn't help really. I hope it gets better tomorrow after the Doc removed some pieces they've implanted.

But the creepiest part was right after the surgery. The aneastesia was still in function, but the blood was running down my throat and I was afraid I had to puke and the suture might rip open again.

Well, lets omit all further details. I'll just have to spend my weekend with painkillers, bad movies and music.

Ms. Pot : Will you marry me ? Or at least visit me ? Tomorrow ? So you just could drop by, tell me everything you've been doing the last weeks and I'll listen. I'm not even able to phone :(

ze sissy murmel

PS : one good thing of the day are the new updates of the "Southside" Festival :

The Ark * The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Coheed And Cambria * dEUS * The Feeling * Skin

judgement day

2006-03-09T22:40:00.000+01:00

I like dramatic scenes. And if I'm bored in real life, I'll do my own drama scenes. Like for tomorrow, I planned to take my mp3 player with me to get distracted from the sound of the scalpel when it slits my gums in two halves. *see! drama!*

So, I thought of a dramatic choice of course. Songs, I associate with beloved friends (who will hopefully think of me ;) and good memories :

Mel *drum roll* / björk . joga & sufjan stevens . to be alone with you

Liza / k's choice . all & del amitri . tell her this

Ms. Pot (thanks for your encouraging comment btw :) /
slut . something to die for & oasis . champagne supernova

And because I just don't know who to name else, I'll put some songs on it where I had a good time or memorable moments :

dredg . triangle
ani difranco . independence day
coldplay . careful where you stand & easy to please
goo goo dolls . sympathy
heather nova . frontier & island
nick drake . things behind the sun & don't think twice it's alright
pearl jam . release
radiohead . sail to the moon
ryan adams . thank you louise, the shadowlands, afraid not scared, my blue manhattan, hotel chelsea nights & I see monsters
wir sind helden . ausser dir & die nacht
woodface . river to the moon
red hot chili peppers . my friends
matthew good band . strange days
kettcar . balu & hauptsache glauben
damien rice . the blowers daughter
adem . these are your friends
anggun . snow in the sahara
athlete . street map
eva cassidy . early morning rain
telepopmusik . just breathe & don't look back
elbow . switching off
everlast . what it's like
feist . lonely lonely
heyday . cu
jamie cullum . all at sea
iridium . mine
lamb . gabriel
melissa etheridge . shriner's park
melissa ferrick . then so it is
red house painters . have you forgotten ?
sarah mclachlan . i will remember you

Now I'm "le tired" and my bed calls for me. I hope to read you all very soon. Please keep in mind, that I prolly won't be able to speak or return your smses properly. So : Written messages for this time and keep your fingers crossed for me !

Tomorrow : 9 pm !

murmel

sing for the moment

2006-03-07T21:42:00.000+01:00

oo-> racoon . smoothly

I just realised that I probably won't be able to sing for 2 weeks from friday on. Remember ? My wisedom teeth get pulled out. And if I open my mouth too wide the suture might rip open again.
:s
After some people told me that they hard really harsh experiences after it I'm a bit scared, but I actually trust my doctor.

I mean, how can you NOT trust this man ?

He even studied human medicine sciences, so : 2 thumbs up for dr. mathy and two teeths less for me !

murmel

THAT'S an overdose

2006-03-05T21:42:00.000+01:00

Because of some silly report for school I fought the whole sunday with I SAT the whole sunday on my old office chair and got foursquared eyes, looking for hours and hours on the screen. And the worst thing is : My back hurts like hell. For the first time in months I'm planning to go to bed earlier. Otherwise I'll fall off the chair. That's the new kind of overdose ladies and gentlemen. No heroine, no crack anymore. The drug of the 21st century is the Internet. And I'm one of millions and millions of addicts.

And my back is punishing me for that.
Somehow the body is a good institution.

Snow...

2006-03-04T14:11:00.000+01:00

[taken from www.yetanotherblog.de]

...I wrote a few lines to it.

And there's a sky,
full of blankets
just the streetlamps
show the way
some people went
to stay
forever stays the same
when it starts,
coming down
a little floating on the roofs
to land upon forgotten shoes
that went out, to stay
to see if there's a way
for anybody
Down the road
out in the snow
into the cold
it's warmer there than here

Watch out !

2006-03-02T20:08:00.000+01:00

oo-> the cardigans . my favourite game

Wise people say:
The best things happen right in front of your door.

Tonight it's different. A few mins ago I was sitting in my room, doing some weird ideas for my songs and suddenly heard a huge crash sound. When walking outside I saw that a former football mate of mine had crushed the mercedes of his dad into the neighbours fence. OUCH ! Within minutes the small film of snow became a dangerous skating rink. Although he wasn't always nice to me in the earlier days I felt sorry for him. I mean, crushing your dads mercedes into a stone fence. *muhahaha*

Sorry. I'm mean. No one was hurt though gladly.

To all of you that have to drive by car through this blistering cold :

Watch out and drive careful ! And if you are having an accident don't claim that you were driving slow enough afterwards ! ;)

murmel

Pimp my rust bucket !

2006-02-28T17:11:00.000+01:00

Ain't that a sexy thing ? ^^
Who wants to take a ride in my rust bucket with that funky cd player in it ? *muhahaha*

You're right L. ! It feels so damn good I could puke! I don't want to do anything else but driving. *starts the old engine*

*wroooooooooooooom!*

fake endorphines...

2006-02-27T23:03:00.000+01:00

[my car, a peugeot 106 - year of construction :1994, somewhere out on the fields in my hometown]

oo-> matthew good band . anti-pop

...are some kinda good. For me. Now. No girls insight, no well payed job, so :

I'll go to the city and buy myself something !

Not just something:
I decided to carry my old car radio to the junkyard and give that car the sound that it deserves. But first my dad and me went to an old sports-mate of him that fixes cars in his free time. He's like some of that old, grumpy men. But when you're a careful watcher you can see a little smile, flitting over his face when he thinks of the good old times.
But when thinking of that you have to remember that he has a young wife and two little kids. Strange, how intense some people are aging within the blink of an eye. I can see myself playing with his babies and now they're are almost grown.
He fused some parts and changed the oil and I first saw my car from beneath. Interesting stuff, going on there *laugh*

So tomorrow is a total feel-good-day. I'll go to the hairdresser and afterwards with Sascha and his girlfriend to the city and buy myself that cool car radio.
I thought about that action : Buying something when you're kinda down and out. In the end it's just fake endorphines. But I feel fine. And nothing else matters. *thinks of quoting metallica without any intention* *shake*

Have a nice Tuesday !

murmel

happy on demand

2006-02-26T13:28:00.000+01:00

[taken from www.midi-midi.com]

oo-> apocalyptica & marta jandova . wie weit

As you might know we used to celebrate carnival here in Germany these days. I had a perfect escape plan for today but still I'm at home. My dad celebrates his birthday with all relatives today and I don't want to ruin his day by running away. Still, carnival became strange to me. All this time, when being a child it was the biggest fun to act as if you're somebody else. Vampire, Cowboy or just a jerk with a wig and make-up in the face.

Today, it just feels like coming home and finding that everything changed. Or maybe the dissappointment that some people never change. I waved to my parents who were disguised as dwarfs. My aunt was the snow-white and my uncle the prince. Funny to look at but behind were the guys that always bullied me and ruined my childhood. Disguised as football fans (wow, how inventive !) they were screaming stupid Scooter songs.
I've never felt so strange in here like today.

"Wie groß ist die Sehnsucht,
die mich treibt - verlier ich meinen Mut?
Soll ich mich ergeben oder leben?
Das Leben nach der Flut
Will ich´s wagen, ist es gut,
oder bin ich doch verflucht?"

apocalyptica & marta jandova . wie weit

I can't be happy on demand. There's no button that makes me free of all anger, pressure and pain that reigns my life. And I abominate nothing more than people who act like everything's fine, just a little bit out of line. Fixable.

Edit : The evening ended with some funny songs we sang together. My aunt and uncle, my family and my sisters boyfriends. Here's an audioquote of my uncle, who was fascinated by the sound of some rhythm instrument (he was a bit drunk, so nevermind *g*)
http://s17.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0666CPFUPUVFB0VHQCHDK0FYYS

murmel

lazy days

2006-02-25T17:20:00.000+01:00

oo-> billy talent . river below

You may know these days where you're waiting for the minutes to go by, nothing really to do. But somehow it also feels good, because I'm aware of the fact that shitloads of stuff is lying in front of me.

So : Relaxing feels good. ^^

I feel like visiting friends. So I will do next saturday (L., I'm soo happy to see you again :). Anyone here who has monday or tuesday off ?
I have money for the train off. ;)

murmel

Southside Festival Update , 25th of february :

Billy Talent * Death Cab For Cutie * Elbow

Mad Caddies * Within Temptation

Songs and meanings

2006-02-24T14:19:00.000+01:00

Shamelessly stolen from piccadilly (forgive me, babe ;-)

A song from your childhood :
john miles . music (we had that sampler on LP at home and I always danced to this through the livingroom, although I wasn't able to get all the lyrics..but strangely I noticed later that it fits to me totally :)

A song you associate with your first love :
Well, lets say this made it easier to get over it
pearl jam . release

A song that reminds you of a holiday :
heyday . cu
dredg . same ol' road
(Ireland 2003)

A song you won't admit you like it in public, cause actually it's embarrassing and "mainstream" :
Well....Roxette . fading like a flower (I mean, it's a classic, what do you want ? ;)

A song you probably heard most often in your life :
k's choice . shadowman

A song that's your favourite instrumental :
James Horner . Braveheart main title
Dredg . brushstroke : a walk in the park

A song that represents one of your favourite bands :
K's choice . for all this

A song that reflects you mostly :
Coldplay . amsterdam

A song that reminds you of a special moment :
Skunk Anansie . weak (I played to a bunch of people live/on the phone with my acoustic guitar and each time it has been different, but always very cool to see the look on their faces or hear what they think of my interpretation)

A song you can relax to the best :
slut . welcome 1

A song that stands for a very good time in your life:
counting crows . mr. jones
and art brut . my little brother

Your current favourite song :
I'm stuck between
Jamie Cullum . all at sea (gosh, what a Piano Intro !)
and
Athlete . street map

A song you would attend to your best friend :
Sarah Bettens – Someone to say hi to (Deuce there, T.!)

A song that you like because of the lyrics :
It always differs from time to time but (Deuce again, T.! ;) I like most of my music because of the awesome lyrics. Oh, maybe it's
Tomte . Die Schönheit der Chance. Currently.

A song, whether german or english that you like :
Helen Sjöholm . sa some i himmelen

A song you can abreact to very good:
Rage against the machine . killing in the name of

A song that should be played on your funeral :
I had a top 5 some time ago and I think it's time for renewal :
1. k's choice . all
2. sarah mclachlan . angel
3. coldplay . don't panic / amsterdam
4. eva cassidy . fields of gold
5. nick drake . things behind the sun

A song you'd count up to the greatest songs of all time :
Kettcar . Nacht

mail from jesus, strange quiet and the hurry inside

2006-02-21T19:53:00.000+01:00

[jewish cemetery. Aschaffenburg, Germany - taken from www.alemannia-judaica.de]

oo-> evanescence . breathe no more

Maybe you know places you go and find unexpected peace, quiet and relieving. It could be a park, a bench, a lake or just the garden behind your house.
In my case it was a cemetery. Strange...or not. I don't know. The situation was just perfect. The setting sun between the trees, the wind streaking through the leaves and the hands of time, standing still, relieving quiet. It was like my soul was able to breathe for the first time in weeks.
I was able to face myself clearly, my existence, everything that's happening right now. Strolling through the cemetery, I had Evanescences' breathe no more on my mp3 player. It's a very sad song, I interpret as a suicide note of a desperate mind.
But I wasn't focussed on the lyrics, just the feeling it caused in that very moment. And that was consoling, soothing and mostly beautiful.

Coming home, checking my mails I had to smile a little bit. I got a spam mail from "jesus". Strange again. I thought my wire to the guys above would've been cut.

But maybe nothing is as it may seem these days. And maybe my hurry inside is not necessesary and all answers are already there. Inside me.

actually...

2006-02-18T13:13:00.000+01:00

[my former way to the soccer court, behind our house - summer 2005]

...my internet connection is closed til tuesday but I still can access. Funny. ^^
...I'd love to rehearse with silent revolution but no one seems to give a flying fuck about it.
...I wanted to go and see T. again but she hasn't replied. New plan for tonight : Lend DVD and sink into my cuddle couch.

I won't risk it and make the guys from my internet firm angry, so : You prolly won't see me online the next few days. I just wanted to let you know that I'm alive, not kicking, but at least alive. Let's see what's next.

Til tuesday (all the others who have something urgent to tell me : You know how to reach me.)

murmel

PS : Mel have fun at the woodface concert ! :)

Someone heard my prayers

2006-02-14T19:53:00.000+01:00

[left : thorsten scholz // right : arnim teutoburg-weiss of beatsteaks, Southside 2005]

oo-> live . t.b.d.

First Update for this years Southside Festival :

Arctic Monkeys * The Cardigans * Element of Crime * Fettes Brot * Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals * Lagwagon * Live * Mando Diao * Maximo Park * Panteon Rococo * Seeed * Shout Out Louds * Tomte * Wir Sind Helden

LIVE ! BEN HARPER ! THE CARDIGANS !

*freaks out*

WHO WANTS TO GO WITH ME ?

Infos : www.southside.de

Things, I should stop doing

2006-02-13T23:28:00.000+01:00

....
oo-> tegan and sara . my number

smoke secretly -> it's bad for my health and the car smells like an ashtray afterwards
write stupid plans to friends -> I know they have better things to do than visiting me
play basketball AND guitar -> one of these things will ruin my articulars
think of all the good things in the future -> cause there aren't any
trying to hide my future plans -> someone will find out I know (cause I can't keep my bloody mouth shut)
try to write good songs -> forcing myself never brought up a good one

Walls and Ladders

2006-02-13T21:24:00.000+01:00

[on the street behind my house / august 2005]

oo-> ani difranco . not a pretty girl
Do you know that feeling when everything you try is just going down the drain ?

That's how I feel right now.
It's like running against walls that are enthroning over you for centuries. Millions tried to get over it, but they've been hold back by the fact that they didn't recognised they haven't read the instructions...I'm just blinded. Blinded by all the people who just claim something from me. Let it be stupid reports about religion when others are using religion on me to pressure me, let it be strength and understanding in a friendship when I'm more than confused. Or let it just
be a ventile for all that that I'm demanding for myself but nothing happens. I've always been a well balanced, calm and social person. But it seems like the world is going to be grey when I'm coloured all over with red and colourful when I'm just feeling grey.
I'm a creep. Always looking on that fact with a funny blink of an eye but right now I feel like one.

Maybe we need to be ladders for each other. Ladders of millions of little walls, built up in seconds. Some people never get over them. But some people just don't recognise as well as they don't see the tinyness of these walls. And sometimes, yes sometimes they just need to take a step over the little wall, into the unknown knowing that everything after is better than standing in front of it.

murmel

got balls ?

2006-02-11T13:44:00.000+01:00

[taken from www.molten.cz]

My first time at the basketball team sounded awkward. I was unsure what kind of girls are playing basketball. After a real cool training I realised it's different all across the board. There are

:-> dykes that so obvious I gotta smile a little bit
:-> girls who are the typical jocks at school but still nice
:-> look-alikes of beloved friends that scare me cause of the similiarity ;)
:-> nice people that are really helpful and nice but not really talkative

So, it was nice. I mean, I was the typical dork, not aware that basketball is much more than throwing balls around and try not place the ball into the basket. But I learned a lot, also and mostly of Andreas, the nice coach who showed me many cool things.

So I got balls. Interesting.

And now : I need some music. Silent Revolution is rehearsing for the first time after weeks. :o)

Have a nice weekend !

murmel

go ahead - call it a cocoon crash

2006-02-09T19:06:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I'm just down and out, like today. I got a bad mark again from my teacher, still knowing I could do much better. And then I get this :

Thank you Mel.

four...

2006-02-08T17:46:00.000+01:00

For piccadilly (I rearranged it a little bit for myself) and all the others who are curious ...

4....

...answers I use to give when somebody calls my name :

: "Heh ?"
: "Ja?"
: "Anwesend."
: "That's me."

....Random things of today :

: I sent 4 smses yesterday and yet no one replied.
: My boss wants me to make music instead of this education.
: A child of our caring centre asked me if I have a boyfriend.
: I cried like a baby yesterday. Just because of a movie.

.....people I realised I need to see again (SOON!)

: Liesa
: Tania
: Mike
: Mel

...cool gaps in the market no one recognised :

: opening a dark bread baking factory in the UK
: doing a karaoke party without embarrassing songs, no one is able to sing
: having the rubber on the side of the pencil - to erase areas
: inventing slow brains for stupid speeders

...things I'd like to do now :

: kissing one particular person
: have some cherry juice
: watching the 6th episode of the 3rd season of the "L-Word"
: have a nap

...things, that are REALLY annoying at the moment :

: having some kinda small blister on my tongue
: being tired but not allowed to sleep cause I gotta do some stuff for work
: STILL haven't received any sms
: feeling to old to start to smoke again (not that smoking is healthy, but feeling old is crap)
: feeling guilty although other people hurt you

....TV- Shows I love

- The Simpsons (everlasting love ^^)
- Friends
- Emergency Room
- Buffy
- the L-word

....Sites, I surf onto daily :

- gmx.net
- blogger.com
- kschoice.de
- livejournal.com

....Bloggers, that should continue this :

- mel
- joh
- braad
- mike
- katharina

cry...

2006-02-06T22:25:00.000+01:00

[the street I live in, drowning in sunset / jan 06]

..did you remember when you last did ?

Tears, oceans, flowing out of everywhere like the world is about to end right now ?
Release and pain, so close tied together that you see them dancing with each other through your tear blinded veil. Dancing out in a field, over and over littered with gold. You blink and then you see it's just crops, but it has a twinkle that moves you more than you ever thought something will do.

It frees all the anger, pain, heartbreaking, unfullfilled love, unwritten songs and melodies you tried to sent out to the ones who need / deserve it, but something has been blocking it. From right now all hell breaks loose.

It's like swimming, although you can't. Acting childish, although you stopped being one long ago, out of no real reason.
Showing feelings, although you swore yourself not to get vulnerable again, to save yourself from things that hurt too much. Things, that might kill you.

But for it's worth dying for if not for emotions, love, trust, friendship, truth and most of all :

Music.

dyke in the city

2006-02-05T18:48:00.000+01:00

[sunrise out of my bedroom /jan 06]

oo - > evanescence .:. hello
(don't try to fix me / I'm not broken [not yet])

So, this was pretty much my weekend. Too bad it's almost over, but things don't last forever (as far as I know).

I went out with some friends to go partying and have some drinks. Actually it was quite nice. I got to drive an old BMW (*wink* to the ppl who don't like such cars) and met a classmate I kinda have a little crush on. Of course I'm such a dork in flirting - as the case may be in going further - so nothing real happened.

I just found myself longing for some kinda relationship. Not necessarily sexual (if possible it's nice but not everything) - just someone who believes in me and someone to come home to when I had a crappy day.

It's like a silent desease. I appears to be in your body and when it reaches your heart, you're in deep trouble to act. Otherwise you'll die.

Anyone in for antidotes ?

tiny stones break the wall

2006-02-04T00:12:00.000+01:00

I did something funny when trying out www.songtapper.com .
You can tap there the beat of a song you dunno the title anymore and then it suggests you a song with the lyrics. I tapped a beat I have in my head for years, totally aware of that it appears in many of my favourite songs, just curious to find out what it brings up.

Within some not worth noticing suggestions it brought up :

soundgarden .:. the day I tried to live

I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said seize the day, pull the trigger
Drop the blade, and watch the rolling heads

The day I tried to live
I stole a thousand beggar’s change
And gave it to the rich

The day I tried to win
I dangled from the power lines
And let the martyrs stretch
Singing

One more time around might do it
One more time around might make it
One more time around might do it
One more time around
The day I tried to live

Words you say never seem
To live up to the ones inside your head
The lives we make never seem
To ever get us anywhere but dead

The day I tried to live
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs

I woke the same as any other day you know
I should have stayed in bed

The day I tried to win
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs

And I learned that I was a liar
Just like you

Harsh, but totally the feeling I have inside right now. Really strange. I mean, I know the band but never heard the song. But it feels more true than anything people said or did to me in the last weeks. And THAT means something.

I'm split inside. Somehow I need a cut from EVERYONE to find myself within all the loudness of the world. On the other hand I can't make it alone and I miss some people really bad.

And one question that keeps roaring in my head :

Should this be everything ?

confused and totally wired
murmel

Just to be sure

2006-02-03T17:39:00.000+01:00

Your 2005 Song Is

Mr. Brightside by The Killers

"It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"

Let's just say you're happy to be done with 2005!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

You know what is the sadest part : THERE WASN'T EVEN ONE KISS !

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times.
Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness!

Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

GARDEN STATE ! *jumps*

let me introduce...

2006-02-02T00:01:00.000+01:00

(click on the photo to enlarge - T. ! There's even a handsome guy on it for you ;)

The girls I spent the last nites with....muahahaha.
3rd season overseas is already running. And I'm not even finished with watching the first. A little bit oversexed for my taste, but some storylines are pretty funny.

Dana's Mum to Alice after Dana came out :
"Are you involved in that lifestyle, too ?"
Alice : "No, I have a boyfriend."
Dana : "THANK YOU!" *walksoffreallypissed*

Just one of my favourite quotes of it.
Click on http://www.thelwordonline.de for more infos.

laterz
murmel